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The It List

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IT 7th Friend PAUL RUDD

AGE 34 WHY HIM? He romanced our favorite Friend, Phoebe, in the show's best plotline this season, while maintaining big-screen indie cred in Neil LaBute's The Shape of Things. ...AND BECAUSE HE'S MODEST ''Joining Friends was terrifying. It was a convention that I was unfamiliar with, and it was a show that the entire world was superfamiliar with. People in Bangladesh have seen it.'' FRIEND HE'D MOST LIKE TO DATE ''Gunther,'' says the hetero, but homo-friendly, Rudd (see The Object of My Affection). OKAY, BUT TECHNICALLY GUNTHER'S NOT A FRIEND ''Phoebe. I like her eccentricity, her free spirit.'' WORST JOB Costarring in an educational film about sexual molestation. ''The director wanted to do a take where I talk about Jesus -- all of this was kept from me when I signed on. I wouldn't do it, and he threw the 'You'll never work in this town again.' I'm Jewish -- I'm not going to say that stuff.'' INFLUENCES ''I'd like to have the acting equivalent of Elvis Costello's or Tom Waits' career -- navigating a life where art and commerce don't have to go together.'' MORE LOWBROW, PLEASE ''A few months ago a buddy said, 'Let's watch American Idol.' I wound up almost being late for my flight. I got totally sucked in.'' NEXT At least five episodes of Friends in the fall. What WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT A reunion with Clueless costar Alicia Silverstone on her new NBC show, Miss Match. ''Yeah,'' Rudd says. ''I'd do that.''

IT Undercover Lover MICHAEL VARTAN

AGE 34 WHY HIM? Vartan's studly yet sensitive portrayal of agent Michael Vaughn on ABC's wham-bam-glam spy drama Alias has viewers fantasizing about having him as their personal ''handler.'' The French-born actor is even man enough to admit that he had no frickin' clue what happened on the show's complicated finale. ''I was like, Oh, my God, what the hell is going on now? They're chasing who to get what?'' IF HE WEREN'T ACTING, HE'D BE... ''It would definitely have to be something that doesn't require a diploma, because I don't have one.'' WORST JOB Vartan would rather undergo teeth-pulling torture than cough up the movie responsible for ''the worst experience I've ever had.'' (His big-screen resume includes The Pallbearer, Never Been Kissed, and a direct-to-video romance called It Had to Be You.) But he adds: ''The finished product was probably the worst movie ever made by any human being.'' WHY HE MIGHT WANT TO INVEST IN A MR. COFFEE When dealing with fans, Vartan says, ''There are times when it gets a little out of control, like if you're at Starbucks and there's a group of 15-year-old girls. [There's] pictures and autographs and a lot of loud giggling. It's fine, but before you've had your coffee at 8 o'clock in the morning -- oh, boy.'' NEXT During his Alias hiatus Vartan hopes to squeeze in a lot of pickup hockey and guitar playing (he writes his own songs). He also plans to find a new house, a new car, and a dog -- either ''a mutt with floppy ears'' or a Labrador.

IT Rerun THE GOLDEN GIRLS

AGE Timeless WHY IT? Even though we get our fix seven times each weekday, we'd travel down the road and back again just to hear Bea Arthur give Dorothy Zbornak her gravelly boom. PIVOTAL DRINKING-GAME MOMENTS Swig when you hear ''Picture it...Sicily,'' ''Back in St. Olaf...,'' or ''Maaaa!'' WHY IT'LL AIR FOREVER ''Some of our younger viewers never realized the shows had ended,'' says former Lifetime programming chief (and current UPN entertainment prez) Dawn Ostroff. ''A friend's daughter once asked me if she could attend a taping of The Golden Girls.''

IT Good Sports TONY KORNHEISER + MICHAEL WILBON

AGES 54, 44 WHY THEM? Their silly-sharp ESPN talk show, Pardon the Interruption, has turned the Washington Post scribes into sportscasting's version of The Odd Couple. Bearded, bald, and fastidious, New York native Kornheiser has penned several books, hosts a daily national radio show, and has a sitcom in the works at CBS. Bearded, bald, and just plain fast, Chicago native Wilbon churns out at least three columns per week and recently edited pal Charles Barkley's autobiography. ON HAVING THEIR VERY OWN BOBBLEHEAD DOLLS (Which, by the way, aren't for sale) Kornheiser: ''I look like I'm a third-year rabbinical student.'' Wilbon: ''Mine has had liposuction. It looks about 30 pounds lighter than it ought to.'' CREATIVE CRUTCH Golf. With pros Ernie Els (Wilbon) and John Daly (Kornheiser), and Bryant Gumbel (both). IF THEY WEREN'T DOING THIS, THEY'D BE... Kornheiser: ''I've always wanted to be a short-order breakfast cook.'' Wilbon: ''I'd like some hotcakes and sausage now!'' Kornheiser: ''You know Mel in Mel's Diner? I'd like to look like that.'' UNTIL THEN, YOU CAN SEE THEM ON... PTI, weekdays at 5:30 p.m. on ESPN. NEXT Wilbon: Hitting the links with Barkley. Kornheiser: Bedtime -- 9:30 p.m.

IT CSI (Certifiably Sexy Individual) GEORGE EADS

AGE 36 WHY HIM? After languishing in flops like The WB's Savannah and CBS' short-lived Grapevine, the square-jawed Texan (hey, Batman 5 producers: look no further) is now hands down the coolest cat on CSI. FAVORITE ACTOR ''Brad Pitt's the s -- -. Quit playa-hatin'! Brad Pitt is the man, period. I give it up.'' WORST JOB ''I got caught shoplifting a cap gun at a TG&Y [discount store] when I was a kid. So I had to work there for free for a couple weeks. One night the boss gave me a metal scraper and he said, 'See all that gum on the floor?''' IF HE WEREN'T ACTING, HE'D BE... ''Working for Marvel as a comic-book artist.'' ADDICTION ''Velveeta cheese. 'Cause if you mix it with Ro*Tel [canned tomatoes] you can make some mean queso.'' KNEW HE'D MADE IT WHEN... ''I was deep, deep, deep in the rain forest in Spain, and these two old ladies were looking in the souvenir window and they didn't speak a word of English, and they said 'CSI' and pointed at me.'' NEXT More fun with cadavers on season 4 of CSI.

IT D-Lister KATHY GRIFFIN

AGE ''Let's go with 37.'' WHY HER? Though she annoyed some (okay, many) on Suddenly Susan, this boisterous redhead has more than redeemed herself by kicking Baldwin butt on Celebrity Mole and kicking every other celebrity butt in her trash-talking stand-up act. WHEN SHE DOES HER BEST WORK ''At 1 a.m., lying in bed or watching TV.'' FAVORITE REALITY TV PERSONALITY ''You can't beat Heather from Texas in [the second season of] The Bachelor.'' WORST CAREER MOVE ''That's what I do. I make bad career moves. I'd do a snuff film if they met my quote.'' ANY FAMOUS FRIENDS LEFT? ''No famous people want to know me anymore. When I meet them, they immediately say they don't want to be in my act. That's a good instinct on their part.'' NEXT Hosting NBC's reality show Average Joe and developing The D-List, an autobiographical NBC sitcom.

IT Grandmother SUE JOHANSON

AGE ''That's private.'' WHY HER? Come now, you still haven't placed a call to Talk Sex With Sue Johanson on Oxygen? Not since Dr. Ruth has a member of the Centrum Silver crowd chatted so candidly about the birds and bees. WHY WE TRUST HER ''I'm not a young blonde with bodacious ta-tas. I have wrinkles and a turkey neck,'' says the Canadian import. HOW SHE RATES HERSELF IN BED ''I don't try to be a 10 -- that means competition, and I'm not competing with anybody!'' NEXT More Sex.

IT Thinking Woman's Bachelor BOB GUINEY

AGE 32 WHY HIM? Firedude Ryan may have won the heart of the Bachelorette, but he's got nothing on this formerly pudgy, musical, self-deprecating, funny, intelligent heartthrob for smart women. (ABC apparently agrees: It tapped Guiney as the next Bachelor.) WHAT'S UP WITH THOSE RIPPED ABS? ''I shed 40 pounds from the time I was on [The Bachelorette]. I look in the mirror and say, 'Thank God I can fit into all my clothes again.' Hopefully some women will find me sexy.'' BEST REVENGE ''Out of college my band got signed, but a few years ago we were dropped by our label. Now all these people I couldn't get to call me back, I'm pretty much on their speed dial.'' FAVORITE REALITY TV PERSONALITY ''Darva Conger, of course. Just kidding. I really liked Teck from The Real World. I thought he was hilarious.'' NEXT Searching for his soul mate on national television.

IT Don't Call Her Shannen Doherty MISCHA BARTON

AGE 17 WHY HER? She plays a privileged beauty in Fox's drama The O.C., bowing later this summer. The sun-drenched soap is being hyped as the second coming of 90210. A VOW TO VIEWERS Barton promises not to become a raging prima donna if the show reaches Beverly Hills status. ''I've had fellow actors tell me, 'You have to throw more tantrums,''' she says.

IT 'Sex' Goddesses ELISA ZURITSKY + JULIE ROTTENBERG

AGES Both 33 WHY THEM? Since joining the writing staff two years ago, they've provided the once-fluffy Sex and the City with some of its most emotionally compelling episodes, like the Emmy-nominated ''My Motherboard, My Self,'' in which the girls console Miranda over her mom's death. INFLUENCES Zuritsky: ''The Carol Burnett Show. I dressed up as Eunice for Halloween when I was 9.'' IF THEY WEREN'T WRITING, THEY'D BE... Zuritsky: ''A professional Ping-Pong player and karaoke singer.'' Rottenberg: ''Tap-dancing around the clock. And I already know how. So look out.'' ON MEN WHO LUST AFTER MIRANDA Rottenberg: ''I have a secret theory that [they] are higher beings.'' MR. BIG OR AIDAN? Zuritsky: ''Aidan was maddening. He was perfect and adorable, but I understood why Carrie was afraid of committing to him. And Big, well, what can you say? He's the iconic fantasy man. I hold out hope that someone falls somewhere in between those two.'' NEXT Revolution Studios is developing their script Shrinking Violet, about a woman who dupes her family by introducing her therapist as her boyfriend.

IT First Lady Macbeth PENNY JOHNSON JERALD

AGE 42 WHY HER? The Larry Sanders Show alum was so marvelously conniving as 24's Sherry Palmer, she had us secretly hoping (a little bit, anyway) that she'd unravel her ex-hubby's presidency. SURPRISE, SURPRISE Her character's depths of evil startled even Jerald. In the first season, she says, ''I had no idea she would stoop so low as to pimp her husband.'' CAREER HIGH ''I always treat the next job as the career high because if I don't, I cease to grow.'' CLOSEST BRUSH WITH CAREER IMMOLATION Auditioning for 1987's Angel Heart, starring Robert De Niro. ''I recognized it would compromise my morals. It required partial nudity [that]wasn't beautiful [and didn't] move the story along.'' FAVORITE VILLAIN Dynasty's Alexis Carrington. NEXT Playing Condoleezza Rice for the upcoming Showtime movie DC 9/11. (Her second time going out for the role of national security adviser.) And more 24 -- maybe. ''When...my contract is signed, sealed, and delivered, then I know I'll be back.''

IT Dad TREAT WILLIAMS

AGE 51 WHY HIM? In Everwood's first season, his Dr. Andy Brown lost his wife and moved his two kids from Manhattan to the titular modern-day Mayberry. But this dad named Andy stumbles through father-daughter talks and screams at his troubled son; Sheriff Taylor was never so human. CAREER HIGH Right now. ''I feel as though I got 23 great movies this year to do, each 47 minutes long.'' PUTTING THOSE STRAIGHT-TO-VIDEO FLICKS IN PERSPECTIVE His resume includes acclaimed roles as well as schlock. ''I've done a lot of garbage,'' he admits, ''but I've got a nice house.'' ROLE MODELS Humphrey Bogart, James Dean, and Marlon Brando. ''Of course, my [Everwood] costars don't know who any of these guys are.'' LIFE IMITATES ART He's moving his wife, son, and daughter from New York City to the show's Utah location. OR DOES IT? Of his character's beard: ''It's nice to be able to cut it off because it's kind of like losing the character for my break.'' NEXT Everwood's sophomore season.

IT Groundbreaker GEORGE LOPEZ

AGE 42 WHY HIM? His eponymous ABC sitcom -- based on his stand-up act about working-class family life -- is the first breakout hit featuring a Latino cast since Chico and the Man. Oh, and it's got the backing of exec producer Sandra Bullock. DREAM COLLABORATOR ''Philip Seymour Hoffman. I don't know how you'll get the two of us together, but I think he's just fantastic.'' CAREER LOW ''I did this movie called Ski Patrol, which was like the Police Academy series except we only did one.'' IF HE WEREN'T ACTING, HE'D BE... Working at Home Depot. ''We look good in orange, man.'' NEXT Season 3 of Lopez.

IT Boss From Hell RICKY GERVAIS

AGE 42 WHY HIM? Not only did he dream up the concept of the BBC's squirm-inducing cult hit, the faux reality show The Office, but he also stars as the most brilliantly clueless boss on the planet. INSPIRATION ''The Simpsons. It's the best show ever.'' WORST JOB ''I worked in a factory getting six-foot tubes of metal that would eventually be bent into table legs...'' BEST ADVICE ''...and the bloke next to me said, 'Who are you trying to impress working so fast?' I kept that piece of advice. Now there's no rush.'' ON REAL REALITY SHOWS ''I'm a sucker for them. I start watching them ironically, but I get caught up. You can watch because you want to be a part of common consciousness, or... because you enjoy watching real people struggle with life. The fun of watching the [celebrity reality shows] is the D-list celebrities. They don't go thinking they're D-list. They go thinking they're A-list.... They think, 'Yeah, De Niro might do this show.' You want to go, 'You're here because no one else would do it.' That's fun, watching these quite nice, delusional people.'' NEXT Working on the pilot for an American version of The Office.

IT Man of Few Words TRAVIS FIMMEL

AGE 23 WHY HIM? It wasn't enough that the Calvin Klein model's print ads -- that hair! those abs! -- landed him a permanent spot on cubicle walls nationwide. Now the Australian-born Fimmel has snagged the dialogue-light lead role in The WB's fall drama Tarzan and Jane with nary an acting gig under his elastic waistband. CREATIVE CRUTCH ''I need to have a few drinks. The photo shoots are wack, man!'' AND THE LIBATION OF CHOICE WOULD BE... ''I'm not picky.'' ON THE DATING LIFE OF A PINUP ''Ah, f -- -, man, I hate these questions. It can go both ways. It's harder. At the same time, I get laid more.'' SOMETHING WE'D BE SURPRISED TO HEAR ABOUT HIM ''Nothing, really.'' NUMBER OF TIMES HE HITS THE GYM A WEEK ''I don't go to the gym.'' HE'S LYING, RIGHT? ''No! I haven't gone since I was about 17.'' SO, WHAT'S THE SECRET? ''That's a good question, man.'' BOXERS OR BRIEFS? ''Let's go back to Tarzan, man.'' NEXT Tarzan's first season.

IT Rich B*tch PARIS HILTON

AGE 22 WHY HER? You know you've spent countless hours devouring delectable tabloid rumors about the hotel heiress' exploits. Now she's ditching her Juicy sweat suits and her juicy club life to live seriously small with best buddy Nicole Richie in The Simple Life, Fox's reality riff on Green Acres. ROLE MODEL ''Cameron Diaz. She's, like, one of the prettiest actresses, and yet she's hysterical. I like when a pretty girl can be funny.'' BEST JOB ''I never had a job.'' ADDICTION ''I love going to pet stores, but I always end up with a dog. I have eight dogs [with names like Prada and Dolce], but they're all over the Hamptons with my family.'' WORST DECISION ''Some girl in my sixth-grade class was like, 'Dye your hair black.' I changed it after, like, one day, but then my hair was fried because it was dyed black and blond again.'' BEST ADVICE ''My dad and mom always tell me to be humble and treat people like they want to be treated, even if they're being mean. If you're nice to them, they feel bad for having said something bad about you.'' NEXT Getting dirt under her manicured nails on Fox.

IT Hip-Hop Thespian STICKY FINGAZ

AGE Late 20s WHY HIM? The rapper-turned-actor burned up the screen this past season with powerful roles on Platinum and The Shield. RAPPING OR ACTING? ''I think acting might last longer because I can't be 50 years old, on stage rapping, diving in the crowd, and having people slam-dance.'' WORST JOB ''I was 13, and you had to be 15 or 16 to get a job [at McDonald's], so my mom taught me how to forge a birth certificate to make myself appear older. It was cool because I got to give all my friends free burgers.'' IF HE WEREN'T ACTING/RAPPING, HE'D BE... A con man. ''Some George Clooney con-man-type s -- -. I always wanted to rob a bank, too. Like I could have a million dollars, and still [do it]just for the fun of it. Hopefully nobody would get hurt.... Maybe I watch too many movies or something.'' NEXT His album with the group Onyx, Triggernometry: The Study of Guns, will be out in July; more episodes of The Shield.

IT Cable Network TRIO

AGE 2 WHY IT? Its documentaries dissecting TV, movies, and music put a highbrow sheen on the E! True Hollywood Story format. CLAIM TO FAME The TV-phile's dream, Brilliant, But Cancelled, which revived failed gems like Gun, Profit, and Action. ''You can feel superior for having liked those shows,'' says president Lauren Zalaznick. ''It validates critics.'' No wonder we like it. NEXT Uncensored Comedy month and the return of Brilliant, But Cancelled (which also focuses on failed pilots) in September.

IT Stand-Up TODD BARRY

AGE 39 WHY HIM? Comedy savants revere this Conan and Letterman veteran's hushed, singsong sarcasm; his live Manhattan stand-up and sketch revue, Tinkle (cohosted with Mr. Show's David Cross and Dr. Katz's Jon Benjamin), has become the Sunday-night destination for aficionados of New York's downtown comedy scene. IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY ''I never noticed that I lock into this other voice on stage until some people jokingly did an impression of me.... I'm not sure I even like that I do it.'' WHAT KIND OF COMIC HE HATES ''I don't like anyone who's too likable and pandering. They don't have to be all dark, but not someone who says, 'I'm here to give you guys a good time, and whatever you want is all good!''' DREAM GIG ''I'd like to do a tour -- doing a show, leaving town the next day, doing another show. Rock-star style.'' NEXT Writing screenplays and making short films, but primarily, more stand-up. Unlike comics who use their act as a springboard into television or movies, Barry says, ''I didn't get into it to get out of it.''