Cupid (2003)

Cupid was created by an imported hustler: ''American Idol'' judge-producer Simon Cowell, the California-ized Brit whose tan looks slathered on with a paint roller. Cowell's dubious star and inspiration is Lisa Shannon: single, pretty, and so patently dull and indiscriminate that it's necessary to have two of her best friends, Laura and Kimberly, accompany her as she winnows down legions of men to find a guy who -- get this for a hook -- will propose, tie the knot, and stay married to her for a year, at which time the couple collects $1 million.

Early ''Cupids'' have offered a procession of losers and boors, edited in quick succession exactly like ''American Idol'''s audience-pleasing Parade of the Tone- Deaf -- except on ''Cupid,'' the rejections are usually delivered by Laura, herself a horror show of bad manners and poor taste. But she's a blonde with long legs, which makes her the Ann Coulter of reality TV, willing to say the worst about even the most defenseless suitors.

Going unexplained is, just who in ''Cupid'' is Cupid, the winged imp god of love whose arrows unerringly choose the perfect romantic target? Simon? Probably not. His interstitials look as if they were inserted at the last minute. If it's supposed to be Laura, romance is officially dead: Lock her up in the ''Big Brother'' house and throw away the key.

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