Movie Article

It's Turkey Time -- Gobble! Gobble!

The public has spoken, and the consensus is a resounding ''Peeeee-yewww!'' Gigli's dismal $3.8 million opening landed it in Glitter Gulch. Here, our bets on who'll emerge unscathed.

Ben Affleck WHAT'S GOOD Long-standing rules prevent AMPAS from taking his Oscar back. WHAT'S BAD Retains title of Mediocre Romantic Action Caper King (see Forces of Nature, Reindeer Games). ODDS HE'LL RECOVER 5 -- 1

Jennifer Lopez WHAT'S GOOD Now has enough crappy films in her canon (see Angel Eyes, Enough, Jack) for a TBS marathon. WHAT'S BAD Unlike her CD remixes, it's doubtful reediting Gigli could improve it. ODDS SHE'LL RECOVER 3 -- 2

Al Pacino WHAT'S GOOD Over-the-top monologue so awful we'll consider forgiving him for Simone. WHAT'S BAD A stream of tacky, useless roles is a fast track to career oblivion (hello, Brando!). ODDS HE'LL RECOVER 2 -- 1

Justin Bartha WHAT'S GOOD Got that ''Worst Movie I Ever Made'' thing out of the way on his first try. WHAT'S BAD Will likely endure taunts of ''Are we going to the Baywatch?'' ODDS HE'LL RECOVER 8-1

Marie Callender's WHAT'S GOOD West Coast pie chain (mmm, pie) receives free on-screen plug... WHAT'S BAD ...from pie-lovin' fed Christopher Walken (see Al Pacino). ODDS THEY'LL RECOVER 3 -- 2

Originally posted Aug 15, 2003 Published in issue #723 Aug 15, 2003 Order article reprints

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