In My Boss's Daughter, Ashton Kutcher plays Tom, a nice young man working in a world of crass, ruthless swine (i.e., a book publishing company) who has a crush on Lisa (Tara Reid), the blond-and-tan daughter of his rabid boss, Jack (Terence Stamp). Out of devotion to her, Tom agrees to house-sit Jack's mansion (and feed his pet owl) while the father is away on business and the daughter is out partying. Mayhem ensues, of course, and the worst of it is the utter abandon-all-hope trashing of the great ''Airplane!'' and ''Police Squad!'' tradition established, yea, decades ago by David Zucker, who directs this mess like a substitute teacher soldiering through a day's work for a day's pay at a decertified school.
A lot of unafraid comedians participate with manic sloppiness in the debacle -- among them Molly Shannon, Andy Richter, Kenan Thompson, Jeffrey Tambor, Michael Madsen, and, for buoyancy, Carmen Electra -- yet never have the delicate calibrations that keep slapstick funny been so jammed, leaving the six or seven people who see this in theaters to wonder, what if?
What if the script (by relative greenhorn David Dorfman, who also wrote the more polished ''Anger Management'') were under the care of experienced comedy doctors? What if the leads had been played by stronger actors, rather than two actor-shaped celebrities cast more for punchline interest than for punch?
I await the boss's executive report at his earliest convenience to clear up this grievous matter.