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1 MISS AMERICA With all those young contestants, it should lower the average age of visitors to Atlantic City -- from 79 to 78.

2 REALITY AWARDS It's a chancy idea. What if ABC can't get the really big stars to show up -- like Darva Conger and Richard Hatch?

3 BENNIFER WEDDING Unless she's planning on flipping out and getting arrested after they close the open bar, who cares?

4 ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO The third in the El Mariachi trilogy. Antonio Banderas fights for truth and justice. Cool, but is it also in 3-D?

5 SIMON & GARFUNKEL REUNION TOUR ''It starts the 18th.'' ''No, it starts the 19th.'' ''No, you butthead, it starts the 18th.'' ''Would you shut up for once and listen...''

6 CABIN FEVER A horror movie about terrible things that happen to twentysomethings in an isolated shack in the woods. It's a wonder no one's come up with that idea before.

7 THE CAR BOAT For about $235,000 you can have a car that goes 100 mph on land and a boat that goes over 30 mph in water. Or for $100 you could buy a trailer hitch.

8 BURNING THE BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY Someone is setting fire to the famous covered bridges in Iowa. Is it a book or a movie critic?

9 NIC CAGE The Oscar winner enjoys keeping poisonous snakes as pets. No wonder he's still single. ''My pet can eat your pet'' is not a good pick-up line.

10 TOE SHORTENING Some women are having the procedure so they can better wear pointy-toed shoes. The good news is that pointy hats are out of fashion.

Originally posted Sep 19, 2003 Published in issue #729 Sep 19, 2003 Order article reprints

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