Sound Bites

Sound Bites

''I just had dinner with some friends. A bachelor party felt like it might have been redundant.'' CHARLIE SHEEN, DESCRIBING HIS PRE-WEDDING FESTIVITIES, ON LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN

''It's not fair. I'm a comedian, not a model. Why don't they judge the unfunniest model?'' ELLEN DEGENERES, PROTESTING HER INCLUSION ON WORST-DRESSED LISTS, ON THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW

''He asked you out even though you look like Chaka Khan after a long plane ride.'' JANIE (NATALIE DESSELLE-REID) TO A SLIGHTLY BEDRAGGLED SHELLY (EVE) ON EVE

''Thank you, Jon. Why don't you hop on my back and we'll do a scene out of Seabiscuit?'' EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND'S BRAD GARRETT, ACCEPTING HIS BEST-SUPPORTING-ACTOR AWARD FROM SHORTER PRESENTER JON STEWART, ON THE 55TH ANNUAL EMMY AWARDS

Originally posted Oct 03, 2003 Published in issue #731 Oct 03, 2003 Order article reprints