Who's the most compatible with Bob?
Those ''Bachelor'' producers really had their thinking caps on when they came up with their latest ''surprise'' tactic: making our fair maidens vote on who they thought was most and least compatible with Prince Charming.
First of all, it gave poor Chris Harrison tons more face time -- if not for the lengthy explanation of the voting process he would have gotten edged out of this rose ceremony-less episode alltogether. Second, it induced loads of crying -- women were literally bawling at the prospect of judging their sister bachelorettes in such a callous manner. (And on camera, no less. Who'd have expected such a thing on a reality show?)
But most importantly, the results not only determined who would get one-on-one dates with Bob (the women voted most compatible and least compatible) -- it set up a good-versus-evil battle worthy of a Disney fairy tale. That is, if a Disney fairy tale included a scene where the prince frolicks with three girls in lingerie and calls it ''the most fun I've had in this whole experience.'' But I'm getting ahead of myself.
On one side of this epic battle, of course, is the pure-of-heart Meredith, who was voted the most compatible just before she got word her grandmother had died of a heart attack. Her mother assured her she wouldn't make it home in time for the funeral, so several housemates worked together to get her ready for her date, not unlike the talking teapots and candlesticks did for Belle in ''Beauty and the Beast.''
Then she bravely faced her date with Bob, mounting a horse for a ride down the beach despite her fear of horses and slurping down an oyster even though they're slimy. Lots of sweet talking, copious use of the word ''connection,'' and kissing ensued. ''I would kiss her on a beach, in a boat, in a box, with a fox,'' Bob told the camera, which I can only suppose means she's getting a rose next round. Or that Bob reads too much Dr. Seuss.
Lee-Ann, on the other hand, emerged as our wicked witch even before she found out she was voted least compatible. While Bob and Meredith were snuggling on the beach, Lee-Ann was revealing to her competitors that she had no interest in making friends and would squash any one of them to get her man. Jenny, bless her heart, tried to argue that they could all be friends even while all dating the same man and cohabitating, prompting Lee-Ann to snap, ''I'm not talking to you, Jenny. If I was, I'd say 'Jenny.''' To which I say: Jenny, thank you for inspiring the best line of the season so far.
Now about that ''pajama party.'' After Bob and Meredith's dream date came a group session with Mary, Kelly Jo, and Misty, who donned satin skivvies and indulged in some karaoke with our prince. Mary sang a kick-ass ''Open Arms,'' if that's possible, and Bob was impressed enough -- but he seemed slightly more excited by Misty and Kelly-Jo's godawful ''Girls Just Wanna Have Fun'' because, well, you know, it was two girls bouncing around in their pajamas together.
So he made out with Misty, took a break to launch his own music career with ''Jesse's Girl,'' then made out with Kelly-Jo. Before long, Misty and Mary were barging in calling ''Bobby!'' while draping themselves all over him and kissing each other on the cheek. ''I'm definitely in a spot where I'm falling for several women, and three of them were here tonight,'' Bobby gushed afterwards. Proving that old adage: No quicker way to a man's heart than girl-on-girl action.
We'll have to wait until next week to see who stays and goes -- and what dastardly deeds Lee-Ann has up her sleeve for her one-on-one date. But she had this to say about her housemates: ''This whole thing just backfired in their face.'' Not as catchy as that ''mirror, mirror on the wall'' thing, but it'll do.