News + Notes

Hot Sheet

1 RUSH LIMBAUGH The radio talk-show host says he's been abusing prescription drugs for the last few years. Yet President Bush agrees with his thinking on most subjects.

2 CHINA They've finally put a man in space. The hard part is talking them into bringing him back.

3 PET TIGERS They won't allow them in my building. So I bought a pet chain saw and a pet Taser to go with my pet Uzis and my pet pit bull.

4 L.A. PUBLIC TRANSIT WORKER STRIKE It's terrible. Tens of people may be affected.

5 BOB DYLAN They've remastered a bunch of his recordings so you can't understand what he's saying even better.

6 HEALTHY FAST FOOD More and more chains are trying to offer alternatives to their high-fat, high-calorie burger staples. It's called ''cooking and eating at home.''

7 AOL TIME WARNER The media giant is dropping AOL from its name. From now on, it will be known as ''Time -- What Were We Smoking?''

8 THE NEXT JOE MILLIONAIRE Desperate women chase a ''millionaire'' who really makes only 11 grand a year. Wrong fork? He eats with the wrong fingers.

9 SKIN A show about a rich, sleazy porn king, his sleazy business, and his sleazy associates. All employees must wash their hands after watching this show.

10 BULLET-HOLE DECALS The latest auto fad makes your car look like it's been strafed in a rap turf war. Sure to make Mom's minivan a hit on the car-pool circuit.

Originally posted Oct 24, 2003 Published in issue #734 Oct 24, 2003 Order article reprints
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