TV Article

Words of Wit-dom

From the archive: In fall 2003, we selected Jon Stewart's best ''Daily Show'' comments, about everything from terrorism to ''Temptation Island''

Jon Stewart, The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | A HOST OF JOKES Stewart brings the funny ''Daily''
Image credit: The Daily Show: Norman Jean Roy
A HOST OF JOKES Stewart brings the funny ''Daily''

Our 10 favorite Jon Stewart quips

We know, we know: It's Letterman, not Jon Stewart, who's the master of late-night top-10 lists. But we still couldn't think of a better way to pay tribute to the sly commentator who has made ''The Daily Show'' into a mandatory nighttime TV ritual. So here's the list of memorable Stewart-isms:

10. ''If the events of September 11th have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American -- our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.''

9. ''Karzai will get 50 million dollars. Twenty-three million for infrastructure projects, and the rest to get out of Afghanistan's contract with Mariah Carey.'' -- on the interim Afghan leader Hamid Karzai's gift from the U.S. government

8. ''Maybe now we can lower the nation's terror alert to periwinkle.'' -- after Martha Stewart was indicted for securities fraud and obstruction of justice

7. ''There are some who would say Ozzy Osbourne is grossly overexposed. There are others who are Amish.''

6. ''Got a little frog in your throat?'' -- after Miss Piggy stumbled over her words on ''The Daily Show''

5. ''The WTO protests brought the city of Seattle to a virtual standstill, and for 36 hours nobody formed a band.''

4. ''Accused stalker Athena Rolando apparently hoisted herself through a window of Brad Pitt's home, where she was shocked to discover that hers wasn't the only bedroom covered with wall-to-wall pictures of Pitt.''

3. ''The nation of Dubai has banned the movie 'Charlie's Angels' because it's 'offensive to the religion of Islam.' Apparently, the religion of Islam is offended by anything without a plot.''

2. ''Bush administration officials are hoping that their tax rebates will jolt the economy back to life, with many Americans getting the maximum rebate of a cool $300. Great news indeed for families planning to send their kids to college for an hour.''

1. '''Temptation Island' helps four devoted couples determine their partners' loyalty by sending them to a remote island and surrounding them with 26 hot singles. It's the same sort of random scientific method that produced penicillin...or at least the need for it.''

Originally posted Oct 24, 2003