Jason Priestley: Failed Actor. C'mon now, don't be hatin' on us. That's just a description of his role in the indie film ''Die Mommie Die!,'' a dark retro-camp comedy hitting select theaters on Oct. 31. Let's see if the 34-year-old, race-car-lovin', two-time-member-of-PEOPLE's-50-Most-Beautiful-list, ex-90210 stud can hang with a different kind of spoofin'.
In ''Die Mommie Die!,'' you say, ''I've always been the kind of guy
that people start rumors about.'' What's the juiciest rumor about
you that's actually true?
The rumor about the size of my -- -- is the greatest one ever. I kept that issue of Details magazine on my coffee table and earmarked the page in which I was on the Big -- -- List, so if people came over and just picked it up, they had to read about it. Sometimes a little self-promotion can be beneficial.
Bust a rhyme from your ''90210'' costar Brian (Austin) Green's rap album, ''One Stop Carnival.''
[Mock-struggles for four seconds] I can't, I can't. I know he sang this song called ''Switch It Up.'' I did have a copy of ''One Stop Carnival'' that Brian gave me, but since I've listened to it, I've sustained some closed head trauma and my memory's just not what it used to be.
What were you hiding in your early-'90s sideburns?
Well, in the left one, I kept a small Turkish boy. And in the right one? It's a little dog-eared now, but it's a picture of Luke Perry.
I should probably ask you at least one Tombstone question. Would you like it to be about your well-received 1993 Western or about
the frozen pizza?
Let it be about my well-received Western.
Are you bummed that your well-received Western has been
overshadowed by the frozen pizza?
[Hearty laughter giving way to shamed silence] Yes.
Brandon Walsh was also the name of Josh Brolin's character in
''The Goonies.'' Let's play a game. Which Brandon Walsh said the
following line? ''What did you have for breakfast, a Skunk McMuffin?''
[Scoffing laughter] That's ''Goonies.''
Yup. You said it to Steve.
Did I? Skunk McMuffin? To all the fans of the show, I hereby openly and honestly apologize for that horrible line of dialogue.
When you woke up after your life-threatening race-car accident
last year, did you think, ''Thank God, I'm going to live!'' or ''Dear God, I once guest-starred on 'Airwolf'''?
I felt like I was back on ''Airwolf,'' actually. We're flying after the bad guys and then I realize no, I'm lying in a hospital bed and I've just had horrible surgery. It was a lethal combination of the pain and the painkillers -- all of a sudden I thought I was Jan-Michael Vincent.
Sorry about that, man.
Oh, you know, it happens. Jan-Michael Vincent is never far from any of us.
Do you ever walk by a mirror, stop, gaze into it, run your hands
all over your face, and whisper, ''I so pretty''?
Dude, I haven't done that for at least an hour.