Augusten Burroughs, author of ''Running With Scissors'' and ''Dry,'' recommends Phineas Mollod and Jason Tesauro's ''The Modern Gentleman: A Guide to Essential Manners, Savvy & Vice'' (Ten Speed, $15.95).
If Miss Manners wrote for modern guys and had a pierced nipple, this would be the result. It's completely hysterical and shockingly useful. You'll always know exactly what to wear and say at a cocktail party. And you'll know what to do if that bean dip causes trouble: ''Flatulence should generally be ignored. Don't accentuate the effect with 'whoops' or wild exclamations....'' I mean, come on, a book that deals with such modern topics as flip-flops, cologne, kitchen equipment, and threesomes? It's peculiar, brilliant, funny, smart, and it will turn you into a cool person, like CNN's Anderson Cooper and me.