The Next Joe Millionaire: An International Affair

''Fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again.'' George W. Bush offered those words, but they could have uneasily tripped off the tongue of another Texan: cowboy toy David Smith of The Next Joe Millionaire: An International Affair. The first ''Joe Millionaire'' roped in 40 million voyeurs to witness hunk-o'-cheese Evan Marriott confess to his beloved, Zora Andrich, that he'd exaggerated his income by several zeros. Yet after the payoff turned out to be an anticlimactic rip-off, America felt like an even bigger sucker than Zora, and audiences have stayed away in droves from the sequel.

Honestly, they're not missing much. If a reality show is only as tasty as its freshest twist, ''Joe'' is a stale pretzel. It's the exact same show as last season, only the gold diggers are ''14 Unsuspecting European Beauties'' (to quote the opening promos) and the gold diggee is a hayseed. The ensuing ten-gallon-hat-versus-haute-couture clash has proven entirely predictable, with rampant malapropisms providing the scant entertainment value. ''I don't know if she's crackin' on me, or if she's just got a real sarcasm sense of humor,'' David drawled about Anique (a Dutch double for Anna Kournikova). At least the Eurotramps have a good excuse for butchering the English language. Upon her exit, Johanna (a German law student) rationalized that the prospect of living on a ranch was ''super-boring, super-not-me, and super-I-don't-know.'' Which, come to think of it, perfectly describes ''The Next Joe Millionaire.''

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