Holy latkes! Someone's trying to wipe out Hanukkah, and it's Andy Dick, who plays Santa's evil son in the Jewsploitation comedy ''The Hebrew Hammer'' (premiering Dec. 8 on Comedy Central and opening theatrically in select cities Dec. 19). It's such a dastardly act that we decided to give the actor/singer/spaz the ultimate lump of coal: a round of stupid questions.
You've played spastic media-company employees in ''Less Than Perfect'' and ''NewsRadio.'' I work in a media company, and our spastic coworker is out sick. Can you come by and spill hot coffee on
I'm sure I could. When I had real jobs, I was so nuts that I'd get fired. I'd get fired a lot.
For your MTV show, you dressed up as Daphne Aguilera, Christina's fictional slutty cousin. Is it strange that now, in drag, you're
actually hotter than the real Christina?
She'll reinvent herself by next week. Girls like her and Britney change the second Thursday of every month. They all meet to make sure they don't all come out with white hair and black eyeliner.
Ever think, ''Was I really in
'Inspector Gadget,' or was it just a
Sometimes I don't remember. I auditioned five times, and I barely did anything in it. I even had an old-fashioned screen test, with the big cameras, lights, and sets. When you have a $90 million budget, you have the luxury to screen-test for the dumb, spastic assistant.
In ''Hammer,'' you snap at some elves, ''Get back to work, you little bitches!'' Did you also say that to Don Adams and Barbara Feldon
when remaking ''Get Smart'' in 1995?
[Laughs] You're bringing up everything I did that ever sucked! Is that the object of this back page?
Yes. You're known for saying things you shouldn't. So, I have a
two-part question: How much does Sara Rue make on ''Less Than
Perfect,'' and who's the biggest bastard in Hollywood?
Sara's awesome. Whatever she makes, she deserves. And the biggest bastard...no, nobody I can think of.
Very diplomatic. Is this really Andy Dick?
I'm trying to be a little kinder. I can't go around reaming people.
Fine, one more question: In ''The Hebrew Hammer,'' your character brainwashes Jews by making them watch ''It's a Wonderful Life'' -- but the cure is viewing ''The Chosen.'' What's the cure for watching ''In the Army Now,'' the 1994 movie you made with Pauly Shore?
Watching some clips from MTV's ''Andy Dick Show'' will probably cleanse the comedy palate, and you can do that on AndyDick.com. I pirated them and put them up for free. I don't fear the wrath of MTV -- they owe me, those sons of bitches!
Ahhh...that's more like it.