Television

Sound Bites

We pick our favorite quips from talk shows and sit-coms

''Martha, that long ride has made me hungry -- and not for food!'' CONAN O'BRIEN, HITTING ON MARTHA STEWART AFTER GOING HORSEBACK RIDING WITH HER, ON MARTHA STEWART LIVING

''This wedding is not about me having my dream day. This wedding is about Ryan having his dream day.'' DELUDED BRIDEZILLA TRISTA REHN, ABOUT FIANCE RYAN SUTTER, ON TRISTA & RYAN'S WEDDING

''I'm trying to decide which gang to align myself with.... I've got it down to two, but honestly I just don't even want to choose. I feel like the prettiest girl at the dance.'' IMPRISONED PATRIARCH GEORGE BLUTH SR. (JEFFREY TAMBOR) ON ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT

''Wait, is he quoting Hamlet? I'll tell you, for a guy who once equated gayness with bestiality, he's sure awfully familiar with...the theeeater.'' JON STEWART, ABOUT REPUBLICAN SENATOR RICK SANTORUM, WHO QUOTED SHAKESPEARE IN THE CHAMBER, ON THE DAILY SHOW

Originally posted Dec 12, 2003 Published in issue #741 Dec 12, 2003 Order article reprints
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