Movies

Critical Mass

Here are 50 notable movies of 2003 -- hits, misses, and critics' faves -- as graded by selected reviewers.

AMERICAN SPLENDOR

A JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News A TY BURR Boston Globe A MIKE CLARK USA Today A+ JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer A ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times A LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail A MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle B+ TODD MCCARTHY Variety A- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer A- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald A ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY A CRITICS' AVERAGE

LOST IN TRANSLATION

A- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News A TY BURR Boston Globe A- MIKE CLARK USA Today A- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer A ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times A- LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail A MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle B+ TODD MCCARTHY Variety A CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer A RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald A ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY A CRITICS' AVERAGE

CAPTURING THE FRIEDMANS

A- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News A TY BURR Boston Globe A MIKE CLARK USA Today A JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times A LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail A MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle B TODD McCARTHY Variety B+ CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer A RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald A ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY A- CRITICS' AVERAGE

RETURN OF THE KING

A+ JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News A- TY BURR Boston Globe A- MIKE CLARK USA Today -- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer A ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B+ LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B+ MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle A- TODD McCARTHY Variety A- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer A+ RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald A ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY A- CRITICS' AVERAGE

MYSTIC RIVER

A- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B+ TY BURR Boston Globe B+ MIKE CLARK USA Today A- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer A ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times A- LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B+ MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle A- TODD McCARTHY Variety A CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer A RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald A ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY A- CRITICS' AVERAGE

FINDING NEMO

A- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News A- TY BURR Boston Globe A MIKE CLARK USA Today A JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer A ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times A- LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle B+ TODD McCARTHY Variety B CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer A RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald A ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY A- CRITICS' AVERAGE

MASTER & COMMANDER

A- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News A TY BURR Boston Globe A- MIKE CLARK USA Today A- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer A+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times A LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B- MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle A- TODD McCARTHY Variety A- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B+ RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald A- ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY A- CRITICS' AVERAGE

WINGED MIGRATION

A JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B+ TY BURR Boston Globe A- MIKE CLARK USA Today -- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times A LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail A MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle -- TODD McCARTHY Variety A- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer A- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B+ ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY A- CRITICS' AVERAGE

SPELLBOUND

B+ JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News A TY BURR Boston Globe A- MIKE CLARK USA Today A JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail A MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle -- TODD McCARTHY Variety A CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer A- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald A- ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY A- CRITICS' AVERAGE

THIRTEEN

A- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B TY BURR Boston Globe A MIKE CLARK USA Today B+ JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer A- ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times A- LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail A- MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle C+ TODD McCARTHY Variety A- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald A ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B+ CRITICS' AVERAGE

WHALE RIDER

B+ JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B+ TY BURR Boston Globe A- MIKE CLARK USA Today A JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer A+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times A- LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail C+ MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle A- TODD McCARTHY Variety A- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B+ CRITICS' AVERAGE

SCHOOL OF ROCK

A JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B+ TY BURR Boston Globe B+ MIKE CLARK USA Today A JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B+ LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle B TODD McCARTHY Variety B CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B+ RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald A ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B+ CRITICS' AVERAGE

IN AMERICA

-- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B TY BURR Boston Globe B MIKE CLARK USA Today A JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer A ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B+ LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B+ MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle B TODD McCARTHY Variety A- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer -- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B+ CRITICS' AVERAGE

21 GRAMS

A JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B+ TY BURR Boston Globe B+ MIKE CLARK USA Today B+ JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times A LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail A- MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle C+ TODD McCARTHY Variety -- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B+ ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B+ CRITICS' AVERAGE

HOUSE OF SAND & FOG

B JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News A- TY BURR Boston Globe -- MIKE CLARK USA Today A- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer A ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B+ LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail C+ MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle B TODD McCARTHY Variety B CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B+ RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B+ ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B+ CRITICS' AVERAGE

BLUE CAR

-- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News A- TY BURR Boston Globe B+ MIKE CLARK USA Today B+ JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B- LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle B TODD McCARTHY Variety B CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald A ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B+ CRITICS' AVERAGE

BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM

B- JAMI BERNARD NY Daily News B TY BURR Boston Globe B+ MIKE CLARK USA Today B+ JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times A- RITA KEMPLEY Washington Post B LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail C+ MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle B- TODD McCARTHY Variety A- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B+ RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald A ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B+ CRITICS' AVERAGE

28 DAYS LATER

B+ JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B+ TY BURR Boston Globe B MIKE CLARK USA Today B+ JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle B- TODD McCARTHY Variety B CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer A- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B- ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B CRITICS' AVERAGE

A MIGHTY WIND

B- JAMI BERNARD NY Daily News B TY BURR Boston Globe B+ MIKE CLARK USA Today A- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer C+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B+ LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail A MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle -- TODD McCARTHY Variety B- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer C+ RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald A ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B CRITICS' AVERAGE

ELF

B+ JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B TY BURR Boston Globe B- MIKE CLARK USA Today B+ JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B+ MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle -- TODD McCARTHY Variety B- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B+ ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B CRITICS' AVERAGE

SOMETHING'S GOTTA...

B- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News -- TY BURR Boston Globe B+ MIKE CLARK USA Today B+ JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times C LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B+ MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle -- TODD McCARTHY Variety A- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer C+ RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B+ ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B CRITICS' AVERAGE

FREAKY FRIDAY

B JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B+ TY BURR Boston Globe B MIKE CLARK USA Today A- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B- LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle -- TODD McCARTHY Variety C+ CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald A- ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B CRITICS' AVERAGE

KILL BILL -- VOL. 1

B- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B TY BURR Boston Globe B+ MIKE CLARK USA Today B+ JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer A ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times A- LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail D+ MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle B TODD McCARTHY Variety C CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B+ RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald A- ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B CRITICS' AVERAGE

SHATTERED GLASS

C+ JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B+ TY BURR Boston Globe B MIKE CLARK USA Today B JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times C LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B+ MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle B TODD McCARTHY Variety B- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B+ RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald A ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B CRITICS' AVERAGE

SEABISCUIT

B+ JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B TY BURR Boston Globe B MIKE CLARK USA Today B+ JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B+ LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B- MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle B- TODD McCARTHY Variety B CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B- ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B CRITICS' AVERAGE

MATRIX RELOADED

B- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B TY BURR Boston Globe B MIKE CLARK USA Today B JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B+ LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B- MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle B- TODD McCARTHY Variety B CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer C+ RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B CRITICS' AVERAGE

OUT OF TIME (2)

B+ JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News C+ TY BURR Boston Globe B MIKE CLARK USA Today C JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times C LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle B- TODD McCARTHY Variety B CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B+ ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B CRITICS' AVERAGE

PIRATES OF CARIBBEAN (1)

B JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B+ TY BURR Boston Globe A- MIKE CLARK USA Today B+ JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B- ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times C LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail C+ MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle C+ TODD McCARTHY Variety B CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald C ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B- CRITICS' AVERAGE

BIG FISH

B JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B TY BURR Boston Globe B+ MIKE CLARK USA Today C+ JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer C+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail C MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle C+ TODD McCARTHY Variety B CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B- CRITICS' AVERAGE

LOVE ACTUALLY

C- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B- TY BURR Boston Globe C+ MIKE CLARK USA Today B+ JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B- LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B+ MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle B- TODD McCARTHY Variety B- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B- CRITICS' AVERAGE

X2: X -- MEN UNITED

B- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B+ TY BURR Boston Globe C+ MIKE CLARK USA Today C JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail C- MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle B- TODD McCARTHY Variety B CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B+ RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B+ ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B- CRITICS' AVERAGE

HOLES

-- JAMI BERNARD NY Daily News B- TY BURR Boston Globe D- MIKE CLARK USA Today A JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times C LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle C TODD McCARTHY Variety -- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B+ ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B- CRITICS' AVERAGE

THE LAST SAMURAI

C+ JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B TY BURR Boston Globe C MIKE CLARK USA Today B- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer A- ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B+ MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle C+ TODD McCARTHY Variety C+ CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer C RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B- CRITICS' AVERAGE

RUNAWAY JURY

B JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B TY BURR Boston Globe C- MIKE CLARK USA Today B- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B- ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times C LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle C+ TODD McCARTHY Variety B- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B+ ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B- CRITICS' AVERAGE

INTOLERABLE CRUELTY

B JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B- TY BURR Boston Globe C- MIKE CLARK USA Today B- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer C ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B+ LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle B- TODD McCARTHY Variety B- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer C+ RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald C ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B- CRITICS' AVERAGE

THE HUMAN STAIN

C+ JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News C+ TY BURR Boston Globe B- MIKE CLARK USA Today C JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times C+ LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B- MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle C+ TODD McCARTHY Variety B CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer C RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald C+ ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY B- CRITICS' AVERAGE

ONCE UPON...MEXICO

C JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News -- TY BURR Boston Globe C- MIKE CLARK USA Today B- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B+ ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times C LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B- MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle C- TODD McCARTHY Variety C+ CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY C+ CRITICS' AVERAGE

THE HULK

B JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News C TY BURR Boston Globe C MIKE CLARK USA Today B+ JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B- LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail C+ MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle C+ TODD McCARTHY Variety C+ CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer C- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald C- ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY C+ CRITICS' AVERAGE

BROTHER BEAR

-- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News C TY BURR Boston Globe B- MIKE CLARK USA Today -- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B- ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times C LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail C+ MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle C TODD McCARTHY Variety B- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald C ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY C+ CRITICS' AVERAGE

MONA LISA SMILE

C+ JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News C+ TY BURR Boston Globe -- MIKE CLARK USA Today C+ JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times C+ LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle -- TODD McCARTHY Variety C+ CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer C RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald D ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY C+ CRITICS' AVERAGE

FREDDY VS. JASON

-- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News -- TY BURR Boston Globe C- MIKE CLARK USA Today -- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer -- ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times C LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail C+ MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle -- TODD McCARTHY Variety -- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer B- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B- ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY C+ CRITICS' AVERAGE

LEGALLY BLONDE 2

C+ JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News C+ TY BURR Boston Globe D MIKE CLARK USA Today B- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer C ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times C- LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail B- MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle -- TODD McCARTHY Variety C+ CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer C RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B- ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY C+ CRITICS' AVERAGE

BRINGING DOWN HOUSE

B- JAMI BERNARD NY Daily News D+ TY BURR Boston Globe D MIKE CLARK USA Today B- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer C- ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times B- LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail C- MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle C+ TODD McCARTHY Variety C CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer C RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald C ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY C CRITICS' AVERAGE

BRUCE ALMIGHTY

C+ JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News C TY BURR Boston Globe D MIKE CLARK USA Today C JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times C+ LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail C MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle -- TODD McCARTHY Variety B CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer D RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B- ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY C CRITICS' AVERAGE

S.W.A.T.

-- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News C- TY BURR Boston Globe C- MIKE CLARK USA Today C+ JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times C LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail D MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle -- TODD McCARTHY Variety C CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer D+ RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald B ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY C CRITICS' AVERAGE

DAREDEVIL

B- JAMI BERNARD NY Daily News D TY BURR Boston Globe D MIKE CLARK USA Today B- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times C LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail D+ MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle C- TODD McCARTHY Variety C CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer C RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald C- ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY C CRITICS' AVERAGE

MATRIX REVOLUTIONS

C- JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News B TY BURR Boston Globe D MIKE CLARK USA Today D JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer B- ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times C+ LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail D MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle C- TODD McCARTHY Variety C CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer C- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald C+ ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY C CRITICS' AVERAGE

TEXAS CHAINSAW...

C+ JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News D TY BURR Boston Globe C MIKE CLARK USA Today -- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer F ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times D LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail C MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle -- TODD McCARTHY Variety -- CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer C- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald C ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY C- CRITICS' AVERAGE

THE CAT IN THE HAT

D JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News D- TY BURR Boston Globe F MIKE CLARK USA Today C- JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer D ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times D LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail D MICK LASALLE San Francisco Chronicle D+ TODD McCARTHY Variety D CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer D- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald D ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY D CRITICS' AVERAGE

GIGLI

D JAMI BERNARD N.Y. Daily News F TY BURR Boston Globe D MIKE CLARK USA Today D JOANNA CONNORS Cleveland Plain Dealer C ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun-Times F LIAM LACEY Toronto Globe and Mail F MICK LaSALLE San Francisco Chronicle D+ TODD McCARTHY Variety D CARRIE RICKEY Philadelphia Inquirer D- RENE RODRIGUEZ The Miami Herald C+ ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY D CRITICS' AVERAGE

BEST TITLE Jincy Willett's Winner of the National Book Award

[BOX]

BEST TITLE Jincy Willett's Winner of the National Book Award

UNLIKELIEST CANDIDATE FOR THE 2004 NATIONAL BOOK AWARD Pamela Anderson, whose novel (working title: From the Waist Up) is due next year

BEST GRAPHIC NOVEL Gilbert Hernandez's Palomar: The Heartbreak Soup Stories

TITILLATING QUOTE FROM SHIRLEY MACLAINE'S DOG, TERRY From MacLaine's Out on a Leash: ''I love to have her watch me when I go out for my morning poop.... I lift my leg in the middle of a poop just so she'll know I'm capable of multitasking.''

EVEN MORE TITILLATING QUOTE FROM TERRY ''As for MM ['Mistress Mother,' i.e., MacLaine] and me, we don't have much time for sex anyway. If it came along, fine, but I think we'd rather be in bed with each other.''

STATEMENT OF THE OBVIOUS FROM SHIRLEY MACLAINE ''Some friends say I'm losing my mind over the intimacy I feel with this dog. Sometimes I think they are right.''

2ND ANNUAL DAVE EGGERS AWARD FOR WACKINESS IN PUBLISHING Dave Eggers, whose pirate-supply store supports his nonprofit writing center in San Francisco

CREEPIEST ACKNOWLEDGMENT ''My daughter Hannah did research among her friends regarding the title...'' Thomas W. Laqueur, Solitary Sex: A Cultural History of Masturbation

CREEPIEST MICHAEL JACKSON CAMEO Wacko dines at Katharine Hepburn's house on pages 243 -- 252 of A. Scott Berg's Kate Remembered. Pass the ''white broccoli''!

THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO READ. NOW GO WATCH TV! Three kids were diagnosed with ''Hogwarts Headaches,'' caused by ''the effort required to plow through an 870-page book'' called Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, according to a Washington, D.C., doc in the New England Journal of Medicine.

SHRILLEST LITERARY FEUD Al Franken vs. Bill O'Reilly

SEXIEST SEX SCENE From Jimmy Carter's novel The Hornet's Nest: ''That night, they tried some things they had never done before.''

SECOND-SEXIEST SEX SCENE (OH, MR. PRESIDENT, YOU WILDCAT!) The Hornet's Nest: ''He was overwhelmed with a feeling of tenderness, and was also aroused sexually, which his tight trousers made obvious to both of them.''

Originally posted Dec 26, 2003 Published in issue #743-744 Dec 26, 2003 Order article reprints
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