The Year That Was

NOV 2

GAIT MILE Sean Combs, a.k.a. P. Diddy, completes the New York City Marathon with a time of 4 hours, 14 minutes, 54 seconds. Some marathoners gripe that Diddy appropriated other athletes' running strides and simply laid them down to a slightly different beat.

NOV 4

RONALD DUCK Bowing to conservative critics who argue that it is wildly inaccurate, CBS decides not to air The Reagans, a miniseries about the 40th President. The network sloughs it off on corporate sibling Showtime, where it is noticeably uncomfortable around Queer as Folk.

DEC 2

HARD-KNOCK 'LIFE' The Simple Life premieres, pulling in 13 million viewers. The Fox reality show features hotel heiress Paris Hilton and Lionel Richie's daughter, Nicole Richie, adjusting to a plebeian existence on a farm in Arkansas. Both socialites turn out to be even bigger publicity magnets than producers could have expected: On April 24, just before beginning filming on the show, Richie is charged with possession of heroin and driving with a suspended or revoked license. After pleading guilty to the former and no contest to the latter, she is given three years of probation and is required to complete 18 months of rehab. Hilton, meanwhile, is the star of a sex tape that makes the Internet rounds in early November; the tape shows Hilton with Rick Salomon, who is described in news accounts only as "Shannen Doherty's ex," as if that's his job.

DEC 4

GREAT EXPECTATIONS Gwyneth Paltrow confirms rumors that she is pregnant with the child of Coldplay's Chris Martin. (The two marry shortly thereafter.) A note to the parents-to-be: If you ever have trouble putting the tyke to sleep, we recommend Bounce.

DEC 8

SPLITTING HEIR Proving that not all arranged TV marriages work, The Bachelor's Andrew Firestone and Jennifer Schefft call it quits after a ten-month engagement. "This is a decision we made together through a long and thoughtful discussion," Firestone says in a statement. Though a transcript of said discussion is unavailable, we're guessing it went something like this: "I'm boring." "Me too." "It's over." "I agree."

DEC 8

SHAAARONNN! Ozzy Osbourne crashes his quad bike and breaks six ribs, his collarbone, and a vertebra in his neck. While no news organization reports on Ozzy's words immediately following the crash, it seems a safe bet they would be bleeped by MTV.

DEC 13

CAPTIVE AUDIENCE Saddam Hussein is captured by U.S. forces. Footage of a bearded, haggard-looking Hussein being examined by a doctor saturates the airwaves, though many viewers confuse it with a pre-makeover segment from Queer Eye.