Television

Sound Bites

''Did you hear about Pete Rose?... Admitted he bet on baseball, but he still denies he took his hairstyle from a lesbian.'' CRAIG KILBORN ON THE LATE LATE SHOW

''The only petitions that I sign are to bring back canceled sitcoms, thank you. America needs the wisdom of Herman's Head now more than ever.'' COMIC BOOK GUY TO FAMILY ACTIVIST MARGE ON THE SIMPSONS

''Did you guys take these guys and primp them so they look even more dorky?'' A SHOCKED LARISSA TO PRODUCERS ON AVERAGE JOE: HAWAII

Originally posted Jan 16, 2004 Published in issue #746 Jan 16, 2004 Order article reprints