Building The Perfect Probot

L2T Did Probot hook up with any of them?

DG I don't know if Probot did. Hopefully someone got lucky. I didn't. That was the first time I played the drums in a year. And I limped home. It hurt.

L2T Once the Probot is up and running, how do you care for it?

DG Well, I haven't done drugs since I was 20. That's the one least metal thing about me. [Sarcastic stoner voice] ''Hey man, you should get high on music.'' What keeps it running? I suppose just beer and Crown Royal. Probably Crown Royal. The beer is what makes the hydraulics happen, but the Crown Royal is kinda like the oil that keeps everything loose.

L2T Does it require conjugal visits?

DG Well, maybe I should do a female Probot record. With, like, Doro and Lita Ford.

L2T Not a bad idea.

DG Yeah, so it could have a mate -- like the bride of Frankenstein. [A la Igor] Does the Probot get lonely?

L2T What's the estimated cost of making this Probot -- including FedEx?

DG Hundred grand.

L2T Wow, that's not bad.

DG Fuck, no. Cheap as shit.

L2T Who are Probot's friends?

DG Um, let's see. Anyone from the cast of ''Lord of the Rings.'' The Rainbow Bar in Los Angeles on the Sunset Strip would be its hangout. And when the Probot is lonely he comes home and turns on a little soft porn.

L2T Have you heard the new Courtney Love record [''America's Sweetheart,'' due Feb. 10], by any chance?

DG I've heard ''Mono'' [the first single], and you know what? It's really good. More power to her, man. I'm telling you, that's what she should be doing. Fucking making music.

L2T Does Probot have an off switch?

DG The wife. When I come home at night, the wife turns the Probot off. We get to be happily in love. Watch Nick and Jessica [on MTV] and hit the sack.

L2T Are you sick of talking about Probot yet?

DG I'm getting close.