Did you think he'd EVER fire her?
Sing with me: Ding-dong, the witch is dead! YAY!
First, let me apologize in advance to those of you who may have missed tonight's episode and would rather be kept in suspense until my commentary's end as to who got the boardroom boot. But ya'll, I just can't keep this wonderfully delicious news in: Trump finally told Omarosa ''Buh-bye!''
Second, let me apologize to those of you who are tired of my anti-Omarosa rants. But considering I gave you a minibreak last week by praising the wonders of Amy, I feel that it's my duty to send Omagrossa off into the sunset with one last ''Hallelujah! See ya!'' from me. So, here goes…
Yes, good buddy ol' pal, Omarosa, you did have a good run over the past couple months. You bitched, you cried, and you loved to be hated. And my-oh-my, did you love to play up your Chicken Little-esque ''the plaster is falling on my head'' routine to garner just a lil' attention from the Donald and the other Trumpettes. But I'm sorry, Ms. High-and-Mighty, enough was enough.
While I applaud your abrasive and direct manner (Lord knows, I have no problem saying what's on my mind!) as well as your drive and competitive nature, you and your inexplicably inflated superiority complex redefined rudy-patootie. So, later! Adios! Au revoir! Arriva derci! I hope you eventually learn how to play nicely with others.
Ah, and breathe. Sniff. My ''Big O Needs to Go'' soapbox days are over. So, now that I ruined the big surprise for everyone, let's recap the 50 or so moments leading up to the most dramatic boardroom ever.
The big task this week was to sell art -- a much more interesting mission than last week's Trump Ice snoozefest. Pushing paintings sounds like a piece of cheesecake for a bunch of MBA-educated business brains, right? Yeah, not so much.
The two newly reformed teams had to select an up-and-coming artist and showcase their art in a gallery, where hopefully, some richie-riches will walk in and buy the goods. (''Newly reformed,'' you might ask? Well, Versacorp stole back my girl Amy from Protégé to even things up, prompting Trump to quip: ''Maybe I should just give her the job right now.'' Yep, my bet's still safe. Pay up, bucka-roonies! The Aimster totally has this one in the bag.)
While copy boy Nick made an executive decision for Versacorp and opted for an abstract artist whose paintings were nature-based and fairly uncontroversial, Protégé selected an ''extreme and risqué'' painter whose ''weird as hell'' art would hopefully shock the wallets out of customers' pockets. And if you missed tonight's ep, believe you me, this artist's work was absolutely freaky. An appreciative and artful freaky, but freaky nonetheless, considering its focus on severed dolls' heads, opium-smoking frogs, and incestuous twins. But that's beside the point.
Shockingly, at this point, I, Karyn L. Barr, am thinking [gulp] ''Hey, Omarosa is actually rocking it. Unlike the rest of her team, the girl seems to know her art. Hmmm, maybe she's not so bad after all.''
But sigh, what a difference a commercial break makes. While preparing the respective galleries for their big openings, Heidi and Omarosa decide to grab lunch. And that's when the headache-inducing, headache-suffering Omarosa begins to rant and rave that she just needs to sit down and eat. No, she will not grab a sandwich from the street vendor! No, Heidi, she will not eat in a deli! For the love of Trump, she needs to sit and rest her pretty head at a swanky SoHo café.
So, as you can probably guess, Heidi showed off her ''unclassy'' and ''unprofessional'' ways by dropping the ''f-bomb'' a few times and ditching ''the absolute lunatic bitch.'' Ahhh, it's moments like this that I love the fact that I forsake all plans on Thursday nights and praise the wonders of my TiVo. Just a quick touch of the rewind button, and voilá! There's the addictively good tiff all over again. Now that was time -- and money -- well spent!
Anyhoo, come show time, it becomes fairly obvious that Kwame's decision to showcase shocking art may not have been the wisest choice. Troy, Heidi, and the big K know absolutely nada when it comes to art. (Omarosa is actually the only one who successfully sells a piece for the low price of $869.)
But Versacorp, on the other hand, knows the art of the deal. Amy, Bill, Katrina (who again, barely makes an appearance this ep, leading me to become even more convinced that Katrina really was last week's bootee Ereka) and Nick are selling pieces left and right (8 in total), raking in a whopping $13,600 for the night. Talk about an ass-whooping!
So while Nick gets to spend some quality time with the Donald because after all, as Trump proclaims ''a lot of people would like to spend time with me'' (damn, the D is so modest!), Protégé must trudge into the boardroom and face the firing squad. (Kwame, the project manager, gives his buddy Troy the get-out-of-jail free card this week.)
Leave it to Omarosa to heat things up! Though Trump thinks O should be commended for selling the only piece of art for her team, he doesn't quite understand why she needed to take a lengthy lunch to rest her head. In fact, I think his eloquently chosen words were, ''Gimme a break,'' prompting Heidi to shrug her shoulders and give a big ''I told you so'' look to the D.
Cue the waterworks! While waiting for the big decision outside in the lobby, seemingly tough stuff O bursts into tears while a poor confused Kwame just stands there awkwardly comforting her. That's when she does the unthinkable: the inconsolable Omarosa busts into the boardroom, interrupts Trump and his cronies while snot pours from her nose and proceeds to beg for more time to explain her lunchtime actions.
Who the hell does this snot-faced political consultant think she is??? Mark Burnett couldn't have asked for better TV! It was simply marvelous. I was positively floored!! It was like the Super Bowl all over again. See me whipping out my trusty TiVo remote to rewind -- did I just see what I just thought I saw?
Well, clearly, she isn't someone worth keeping around, since Trump quickly kicked her to the streets for ''having a huge chip on her shoulder'' and for ''constantly making excuses.'' Yes, my friends, the Queen Bee-otch's reign is over. Sniff. In a way, it's too bad because a small part of me will almost miss her anger-inducing, uber-pompous ways… almost.