EW contributor Jim Mullen insists he's a happily married man of 32 years. No telling what Mrs. Mullen thinks of the ''Hot Sheet'' writer's new parody book, My First Wedding: A Planner for Modern Couples (Simon & Schuster, $12.95). In it, he offers practically hilarious advice on everything from setting a date (''This depends on many things, the most important being: When is the baby due?'') to preparing for the big night (''Once you have the ring, it is no longer necessary or desirable to keep sleeping with your fiance'').

