Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet

Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet

The 10 hottest topics for the week of April 16, 2004

Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet for the week of April 16, 2004

1 TVDD Attention deficit disorders have been linked to watching too much television. Bor-ing! Next item, please.

2 WILLIAM HUNG The fabulously atrocious American Idol contestant has released an entire album of his so-bad-it's-funny music. Why not? It worked for Britney Spears.

3 BORED LETTERMAN BOY The kid seen fidgeting during Bush's speech has become a political lightning rod. The Prez now supports an amendment to ban squirming during his speeches.

4 BOB DYLAN The music legend appears in new Victoria's Secret ads. Yummy, every woman's fantasy. Like 40 years ago.

5 THE ALAMO Billy Bob Thornton and 188 other men take on Santa Anna's whole army. Incredibly brave? Yes. Incredibly smart? Nah.

6 WORST EPISODE EVER The voice talents of The Simpsons are on strike for higher wages. It's so bad there's talk of outsourcing the voice of Apu to India.

7 THE NICK & JESSICA VARIETY HOUR Good luck, but a variety show hasn't worked on TV for over 25 years. Still, they have even less talent than Ed Sullivan -- and look how well he did.

8 LEFT BEHIND In the best-selling series, believers are taken to heaven, leaving behind just their clothes. So, the more you leave your clothes on in life, the better your chances of leaving naked?

9 THE WHOLE TEN YARDS Dentist Matthew Perry and ex-hitman Bruce Willis team up again. Leading to this medical breakthrough -- ''Would you like Novocain before I whack you?''

10 MISS USA A pageant where viewers judge women by the size of their breasts and the firmness of their buttocks. Unlike the rest of television, where it's just the size of their breasts.

Originally posted Apr 16, 2004 Published in issue #760 Apr 16, 2004 Order article reprints
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