''Bachelor''

Four Play

He kept the slutty one -- again! Even though Jesse is still clueless, the show is back on track, says Mandi Bierly

Jesse Palmer, The Bachelor: Jesse | WEDDING SUIT Jesse knocked down the field to four
Image credit: Jessie Palmer: Craig Sjodin
WEDDING SUIT Jesse knocked down the field to four

He kept the slutty one -- again!

Finally, ''The Bachelor'' is back in the game. Not Jesse Palmer, who remained clueless as ever. But the show, which gave us a keg stand (thanks, Suzie) and multiple Trish disses (thanks, Karen, Tara, and the cameraman assigned to her when Jenny revealed she was a mole). Here's the highlight reel.

Suzie Will I miss the squealing? No. Do I now think she's ''the stalker?'' Yes. I predict Suzie will return to ask Jesse why he ditched her -- and considering that he practically swallowed her face during that ''hot'' horizontal, private moment on the group date, I could use a little closure myself. Either the show's editors seriously dropped the ball, or Jesse's got some explaining to do. Maybe he heard Suzie call the night's elimination ''the Super Bowl of Rose Ceremonies,'' and rolled his eyes too?

Trish The spy reveal could not have been any sweeter, unless they killed Jenny's emotional ''I love these girls and I want them to forgive me.... I don't know if I'd forgive me'' outburst. (As I said last week, cameras would have shown the girls' secrets to Jesse even if you didn't, Jenny.) Trish, hearing the news while wearing a tiara and a ''Gold digger: Like a Hooker... But Smarter'' T-shirt, was truly priceless. Wide-eyed and visibly shook, she had the nerve to tell the camera that all the girls were backtracking -- oh no, sweetie, just you.

And while I'm fine with her not wanting to defend herself to the other contestants, who couldn't even hide their glee at her misfortune, I don't understand how she could rant to Jesse about having to clean up the messes ''all the girls'' are making for her. Even if Jenny got the details wrong, clearing up your affairs by saying that it wasn't a married man's wife who walked in on you but a college lover's girlfriend, doesn't necessarily help your case, Trish. Tears and an ''I have a past'' speech apparently did. I buy that Trish was speaking honestly about her romantic chronology. I'm just not sure whether she was upset that certain events had occured, or that Jesse had found out about them. Why keep her around? Too much drama...

Tara At first I was frustrated by Jesse's frustration with her for not being able to open up (read: make out with him) in front of the cameras. But then I realized her not opening up (read: talking) equals bad TV, and now I'm kind of on his side. Jesse deserves some credit for trying so hard with Jenny's No. 1 pick, but perhaps he should just tone down the ''fairy tale'' and ''favorite everything'' dates with her. Sure, she said she liked last week's gowns, and couldn't imagine anything better than this week's pink flower-fueled extravaganza, but that stuff puts a lot of pressure on a girl who thinks falling in love should happen slowly. I just wanna know how Tara grew enough balls to tell Trish she didn't deserve to still be in the running after the Rose Ceremony -- and whether anyone else almost felt bad for Trish?

Jessica B. She is the only one Jesse seems to have a real and uncomplicated relationship with -- meaning he's actually told us something about her other than ''she's beautiful.'' Being around her makes him feel like a child again, which is an adorable compliment. And watching their private date at a football stadium, complete with a marching band performing in the shape of a heart as they smooched, reminded me of the Juliette Lewis movie ''The Other Sister,'' which is not a compliment. But I digress. Jesse thought the night was ''dope'' and wished it would never end. Jessica B. said she felt like a giddy schoolgirl and that it was her best date ever. She'll be the last woman standing.

Mandy Jaye Besides rubbing the spy in Trish's bug-eyed face (''I am never playing 'I never' again, huh Trish?''), tonguing Jesse in a hot tub (again) and giving us a ''Titanic'' moment (note: ''king of the world'' jokes are never funny, Jesse), she's proving useless. I am, however, looking forward to next week when she introduces Prince Jesse to ''beauty pageant hell'' during the home visit.

Karen Just when I started to like her, she's gone. But what an exit. Notice that classy Karen never ID'd Trish by name, but Jesse knew exactly who she was referring to when she told him he had kept three phenomenal women and one who was there for the wrong reason. I, too, felt bad that Karen was the only one in the Final Six who never had a private date with Jesse. (Although that didn't stop her from getting some kissin'.) Perhaps it was Jesse's pageant prejudice that got her the boot? Did he worry that she, like Mandy Jaye, was only saying what the judges wanted to hear?

Originally posted Apr 29, 2004
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