Rogue Rules

We'll treat you like a legitimate genre when you act like one

If we wanted to see a guy eat a cow rectum...wait a minute, we never want to see a guy eat a cow rectum. And the problem is that one freak show (see ''Are You Hot?,'' ''Fear Factor'') debases the whole genre. The networks need to stop going for the ''that's just wrong'' tune-in factor (c'mon: ''The Littlest Groom''?) and realize that quality only comes from quality producers. So they should stop taking pitches from every idiot with an idea and do as much business as possible with industry greats like Mark Burnett (''Survivor''), Jerry Bruckheimer (''The Amazing Race''), or Jonathan Murray (''The Real World,'' ''The Simple Life''). ''It's 'Are You Hot?' meets 'The Restaurant'!'' isn't a pitch -- it's a cry for help. -- LR

Save the extreme makeovers for folks who really need them

Nothing beats a great transformation -- we still get teary when, in the blink of a ''Queer Eye,'' a newly groomed straight man shaves in the right direction or remembers to work gel into his hair from the back. We don't even mind poking a little fun at a hapless ''before'' -- that's Carson Kressley's raison d'être. But when it comes to ''Extreme Makeover,'' save the scalpel for people who need the work: face-lifts for those with scarring; breast augmentations for women who have had mastectomies; dental veneers for those who are actually missing teeth. And before this spring, we wouldn't have thought we'd have to explain that it's not okay to take women with severe self-image issues, stuff them full of collagen, Botox, and saline, and then tell them, postoperatively, that they're still not pretty enough to enter a beauty pageant. Now that we have explained, it's time for a ''Swan'' song. -- JA