''Ashley is hotter, because she already has a stripper name.'' ACTOR-COMEDIAN PAUL F. TOMPKINS, ABOUT THE OLSEN TWINS, ON VH1'S BEST WEEK EVER

''I understand jokes. I was at the first taping of ''The Carol Burnett Show.'' Tim Conway was on fire. It was special.'' 200-PLUS-YEAR-OLD VAMPIRE ANGEL (DAVID BOREANAZ) TO SON CONNOR (VINCENT KARTHEISER), ON ANGEL

''Britney Spears burst into tears during a performance in Berlin on Wednesday.... Actually, Britney's sobs were prerecorded and she just tear-synched to them, but you get the point.'' DENNIS MILLER ON DENNIS MILLER LIVE

''Now you're talkin' -- and maybe bring the kids.'' DAVID LETTERMAN, AFTER KATE HUDSON NOTED THAT SINCE THEY BOTH HAVE YOUNG KIDS, THEY SHOULD ARRANGE A PLAYDATE, ON LATE SHOW


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