Best Western

Image credit: Loretta Lynn and Vince Gill: Michael Caulfield/WireImage.com

MOST TIRED SHTICK We're starting to wonder if Willie Nelson has actually given up dope but is afraid to admit it, lest he be responsible for a lame-comedy void. Alluding to Nelson's recent surgery for carpal tunnel syndrome, host Reba McEntire jibed: ''I've never known Willie to have a problem with a joint before'' (ba-dum-bum). Accepting the Gene Weed Special Achievement Award, Nelson himself quipped: ''I have to be honest, I thought they said the Green Weed award'' (ba-dum-BUM). Note to Willie: Time to take up crack, or some other source of slapstick.

MOST MYSTIFYING AWARD Fans were invited to call in and vote the... Home Depot Humanitarian Award? Yes, all over the East Coast country fans were pulling themselves away from ''American Idol'' to ask, ''Gee, do I think Charlie Daniels or Brad Paisley is more altruistic?'' (McBride ultimately prevailed.) Next up: a 900 number to vote for the Nobel Peace Prize.

COOLEST MOMENT Backed only by Vince Gill on guitar, Loretta Lynn deflated the evening's hype with an acoustic performance of ''I Miss Being Mrs.,'' a lament about widowhood from her acclaimed new album, ''Van Lear Rose.'' Appropriately, she was the only performer to get a standing ovation both on arriving and exiting. Pity the fool (specifically, poor Keith Urban) who had to follow her.

COOLEST MOMENT, PART 2 At the close of Wilson's performance of ''Redneck Woman,'' she introduced her Musik Mafia cohorts Big & Rich by falling backward into a mosh pit like a hillbilly Bono. The duo took the stage with seven pink-clad cheerleaders for ''Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy'' -- explosive proof that, in the world of country music, cheese works, at least when it's intentional.

MOST PUZZLING CLIMAX For the big finale, Dick Clark pulled this rabbit out of his hat: a non-charting Mardi Gras anthem, ''Don't Be Afraid of the Boogie Man,'' by Clint Black, who hasn't had a hit this century. What, was Lacy J. Dalton unavailable?

BEST AFTER-PARTY No contest here -- the stars headed to an open-to-the-public Musik Mafia jam at the House of Blues, which started after midnight and lasted till well after 3 a.m. Newly minted superstar Wilson and Big & Rich started things off, eventually such friends as Kid Rock, Kenny Chesney, Pat Green, and steel guitar master Robert Randolph joined in until the number of people on stage nearly equaled those in the audience. When Keith ambled out on stage to join the Mafia on ''You Can't Always Get What You Want'' (an ironic choice for the night's big winner), Wilson threw her arms around him. ''Let me tell you something!'' she shouted. ''This is about as f---ing redneck as it gets!'' Ecstatic onlookers wouldn't have had it any other shade.