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Sound Bites

''Jennifer Lopez was married over the weekend. And she married salsa heartthrob Marc Anthony. No date has been set for the divorce.'' DAVID LETTERMAN ON LATE SHOW

''Yawar's appointment came after America's first choice, 81-year-old Adnan Pachachi, turned the job down, taking himself out of the running to pursue his lifelong dream of dying of natural causes.'' JON STEWART, ON IRAQI PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES, ON THE DAILY SHOW

''You mean he's bicoastal?'' TONY AWARDS HOST HUGH JACKMAN TO SARAH JESSICA PARKER, AFTER SHE SAID HER HUSBAND, MATTHEW BRODERICK, WAS IN LA

''She was willing to rat me out because she couldn't do five f -- -ing years? I thought she loved me.'' CHRISTOPHER (MICHAEL IMPERIOLI), GRIPING ABOUT HIS DECEASED FIANCEE, ADRIANA (DREA DE MATTEO), ON THE SOPRANOS

''The zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the first-born, sick of playing second fiddle, always third in line for everything, tired of finishing fourth, being the fifth wheel. There are six things I'm mad about, and i'm taking over.'' 008 (WILL ARNETT) TO MICHAEL (JASON BATEMAN) ON ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT

Originally posted Jun 18, 2004 Published in issue #770 Jun 18, 2004 Order article reprints
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