Andy Richter is having a baby. Five of them, to be exact. The former Conan O'Brien sidekick -- who also anchored the hilarious cult comedy Andy Richter ''Controls the Universe'' -- returns to the tube as the star of a new Fox family sitcom, ''Quintuplets,'' where he'll play dad to a passel of unruly offspring. To mark the occasion, we showered him with Stupid Questions.
In last week's issue, EW gave Quintuplets a D-. But did you ever notice -- and I'm not saying this just to cheer you up -- if you turn a D-sideways, it looks like a little igloo with a smokestack?
Yeah, it does, doesn't it? Or, if you turn it the other way, it looks like a smiling mouth with a goatee.
Feel better now?
Oh, what do I care what the nitwits at your dirty rag have to say about us? Tell 'em to go suck on ''Amelie'' if they want something classy.
You recently appeared in the film New York Minute with the Olsen twins, playing a henchman raised by a Chinese crime family. You have less than 60 seconds in which to defend yourself. Go.
Umm...I've got a kid. He keeps eating. Done.
Two years ago, Fox had a show in development called Septuplets, which centered on seven siblings living in their parents' hotel. Will Quintuplets try to make up for this two-child deficiency, or simply settle for being only five sevenths as entertaining?
Wow. This is all news to me. As far as I knew, after working with Mary-Kate and Ashley, I had cornered the multiple-birth market. And if I'd known about this previous thing, I would never have signed on for this, because sloppy seconds aren't my thing. But to answer your question, five's just a funnier number than seven.
You kicked some famous ass on Celebrity Jeopardy! several years ago. Tell me, is it truly an honor to be the smartest celeb in the room?
It's a small honor. It's sort of like being the least retarded show pony. But you know, I beat Brian Dennehy. Not many people get to beat him in anything.
When you won, did Alex Trebek let you touch the 'stache?
Hmmm, let me? His mouth said no but his eyes said yes.
Andy Richter Controls the Universe was critically admired but, sadly, lasted only 14 episodes. Looking back on it today, what did Andy Richter really control?
Four different time slots for two weeks at a time.
You sat on Conan's couch for seven years. Ever find anything cool buried under the cushions?
[Sighs warmly] Only memories. And a piece of Joan Rivers' ear.
Of all the weird, degrading things you did while you were on Late Night, which would you most like to hermetically seal in a shame capsule and launch into outer space?
Once you've spent half the day in a flesh-colored G-string in a room full of stagehands, the shame center of your brain just dies.