''When they busted into my house, they asked me, 'Do you have any marijuana in your house?' And I said, 'Of course, I'm Tommy Chong.''' THE RECENTLY FREED TOMMY CHONG, RECALLING THE EVENTS LEADING UP TO HIS ARREST, ON THE TONIGHT SHOW
''She is a sweet girl, but let's not ask her to do any long division anytime soon.'' WILL, TALKING ABOUT FELLOW HOUSEGUEST HOLLY, ON BIG BROTHER 5
''In an interview in Esquire magazine, Donald Trump said if he were President, he would've caught Osama a long time ago. Then somebody explained to Trump that Osama and Omarosa are not the same person.'' CONAN O'BRIEN ON LATE NIGHT
''It's kinda weird to see Spider-Man getting attacked by a guy with man boobs.'' COMEDIAN CHRISTIAN FINNEGAN, ABOUT ALFRED MOLINA'S DOC OCK, ON BEST WEEK EVER
