Dalton Ross's Hit List for the week of Aug. 6, 2004
1 JIMMY BUFFETT HITS TOP OF THE CHARTS FOR FIRST TIME EVER Proving once and for all that good things happen to people who sing lyrics like ''Why don't we get drunk and screw/I just bought a water bed, it's filled up for me and you.''
2 THE SOPRANOS TO AIR IN 2006 Dalton Ross to cry in 2004.
3 JENNIFER LOPEZ WILL APPEAR ON INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO There was a nifty press release about it that was 485 words long -- none of which started with the letter G and ended with the letter I. ''Gigli''...I'm talking about ''Gigli,'' people (although glitterati didn't make the cut either).
4 LANCE ARMSTRONG WINS SIXTH TOUR DE FRANCE This is great news. If for no other reason than it's kept Sheryl Crow busy and away from performing in the ''Big Brother'' house.
5 CSI REHIRES GEORGE EADS AND JORJA FOX Sure, ''CSI'' is swell. But how much better would it be if they televised Eads and Fox groveling for their jobs back?
6 THE 9/11 COMMISSION REPORT TOPS AMAZON'S BEST-SELLER LIST Dude, the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States are freakin' poets!
7 BRANDY MAY HAVE LIED ABOUT BEING MARRIED WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT Which has sent shock waves through the music world, with reactions ranging from ''Huh?'' to ''Oh...'' to ''Whatever, man -- have you heard that Jimmy Buffett tune about the water bed?''
8 U.S. MILITARY ADMITS GIVING FREE BOOB AND NOSE JOBS TO SOLDIERS Now more than ever, hotness kills!
9 STAR WARS: EPISODE III -- REVENGE OF THE SITH Cool title! Does that mean they kill Jar Jar? Or at least a few Ewoks?
10 JOAN AND MELISSA RIVERS WON'T BE WORKING THE EMMYS' RED CARPET Kleenex, anyone?