TV Recap

Keeping Up With the Indiana Joneses

On ''The Amazing Race,'' it's the revenge of ''The Mummy'' as the teams test their archaeological skills and meet the beetles

The Amazing Race | HE AIN'T HEAVY: Brothers Marshall (left) and Lance couldn't limp across the finish line
Image credit: The Amazing Race 5: Tony Esparza
HE AIN'T HEAVY: Brothers Marshall (left) and Lance couldn't limp across the finish line

''The Amazing Race'': Revenge of ''The Mummy''

What is a scarab? What is a scarab?!?! How the hell can you be on ''The Amazing Race,'' be digging through sand at a fake archeological site in Egypt, and not figure out what a scarab is? Did these teams not see ''The Mummy''? I just don’t get it, but that was only one of the absurdities in this episode.

Did I not predict that the perfect couple, Colin and Christie, would lose it? Not only did they lose first place (well, kind of, for a little bit), proving that they shouldn't have squandered their Fast Forward last week, but Colin, like, totally lost it. Lost it in the sense that I thought he was going to haul off and smack Mirna right across the face. (Granted, at this point, who doesn’t want to do that, but still. . . .) Lost it in the sense that it seemed he wanted everyone who was in the airport with him and Christie to die. Lost it when he announced, ''I think a scarab is a sword,'' at that archeological-dig Roadblock. (All right: For those of you who missed both this episode and ''The Mummy,'' it's a carved stone beetle.) And lost it in the sense that on arriving at the destination, Crocodile Island, he couldn’t restrain himself from shouting, ''Land ho!'' like an arrogant fool. But I don’t feel bad for him. 1. He’s sexy. 2. He’s cocky. 3. He bosses women around. Well, OK, so number 3 is debatable (as well as probably number 1), but according to Mirna he has a ''Napoleon complex'' and needs to ''dominate'' his submissive girlfriend. I buy that.

But enough of the pushy love mongrels. (Let’s face it -- they may be sexy on the outside, but inside?)

The blunder twins, Kami and Karli, somehow, magically, managed to do OK. I am still in shock from this, almost in more shock than when I found out the twist to ''The Village.'' Actually, I didn’t really care, because it’s obvious their twin ESP is pulling them through. It found them their scarab and somehow helped one of twins get over her allergies to goat and lamb poop. (How ESP could do this, I’m not sure.)

The lovable bowling moms, Linda and Karen, started this leg with no money but managed to not get eliminated. After getting tourists to buy a bunch of apples that appeared out of nowhere (did I miss something?) and ending up at the wrong airport (that'll teach them not to trust taxi drivers, even one who says, ''Yes, old airport, I know''), they still got on the same charter flight to Luxor as everyone else. Here’s my question: How did they pay for their flight with no money? Did they sell that many apples?

The highlight of last night was Charla, who for once (finally!) got to boss Mirna around. Who knew Charla could say, ''Hurry your ass up!'' and scream, ''Dig, Mirna!'' while Mirna was searching for the scarab (''Is it a bug?''). But wasn’t it spooky how it all played out? It was as if they had switched brains. Well, at least partially. Mirna was still whining, bitching, and moaning while Charla provided the entertainment, this time in the form of a shimmy at the completion of the load-goats-in-a-boat Detour. (But who was carrying the ferocious cousins' bags as they got to that Detour? So many unanswered questions.)

The attached-at-the-hip married duo of Chip and Kim reveled at being in ''the motherland of Egypt.'' And good for Chip, who after picking up all the ''smelly and funky'' goats that Kim couldn’t touch, lest she break a nail, or a sweat, told Kim that she could do the Roadblock, saying, ''This one’s for you.'' The God lovers, Brandon and Nicole, continued their syrupy love fest, even while Brandon almost lost his ability to have kids while bouncing up and down in the saddle. (Thanks, donkey!) And the brothers, Lance and limping Marshall, surprised us all by not arriving last at Crocodile Island -- even if that was because they quit before completing the Roadblock. It was the first time in the show's history that a team couldn’t make it to the Pit Stop because of an injury. Ah, well, those are the breaks, but at least we got one last quip from Lance: ''If the scarab is a rock, I found it.''

Humor aside, let the serious fighting begin.

What did you think? Did you dig this episode?

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Originally posted Aug 11, 2004