Calendar

September

9.5
THE SURREAL LIFE
The celebration of celebrity obscurity moves to VH1, with Ryan Starr! Jordan Knight! Charo! Brigitte Nielsen! Flava Flav! All under one roof! And wait. . . is that Dave Coulier? Cut IT out! [VH1, 10-11 PM]

9.6
PILOT SEASON
Andy Dick and Sarah Silverman. Need we say more? Okay, okay, check out this six-episode mockumentary -- a follow-up to the 1997 independent film Who's the Caboose? -- that tracks the lives of actors competing to get their wannabe-famous mugs on television, and the agents who ignore them. [TRIO, 9-10 PM]

9.10
FILM SCHOOL
A fascinating look at four struggling NYU grad students as they mooch off their friends and smooch some Hollywood heinies -- the Fonz makes a cameo! -- in an (often futile) effort to raise money for their short films. [ifc, 10:30-11:30 pm]

9.12
UNFABULOUS
Thirteen-year-old Emma Roberts (yes, the Pretty Woman's niece) makes her television debut as Addie Singer, a Lizzie McGuire-esque songwriter trying to survive junior high. No word on whether Auntie Julia will make a cameo. [NICKELODEON, 8-8:30 PM]

9.13
I DO (BUT I DON'T)
Think of this made-for-TV romantic comedy as the poor man's Wedding Planner. Mrs. Sheen, a.k.a. Denise Richards, channels her inner J. Lo to play an uptight wedding wizard, while Dean Cain is the requisite much-lusted-after groom-to-be. [LIFETIME, 9-11 PM]

9.13
HOME DELIVERY
Daytimetalk hits the road: Four yakkers pack into pink and blue pickup trucks in search of America's most heartwarming -- and heart-wrenching -- stories. You know the type: Struggling couples get hitched; the wheelchair-bound get new, handicapped-accessible rooms at home; one lucky guy even gets new teeth. [SYNDICATED, CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS]

9.18
MISS AMERICA
To tape the butt or not to tape the butt? That is the question for the 52 contestants hoping to avoid unsightly wedgies in what host Chris Harrison (The Bachelor) will most likely bill as ''the most dramatic swimsuit competition ever!'' [ABC, 9-11 PM]

9.19
THE 56TH ANNUAL PRIMETIME EMMY AWARDS
Two things about this year's show that have us psyched: (1) Garry Shandling returns as host; (2) his former Larry Sanders sidekick, Jeffrey Tambor -- and the rest of the Arrested Development cast -- got some much-deserved love from the Academy this year. [ABC, 8-11 PM]

9.19
THE WIRE
The critically acclaimed crime drama is back for a third go-round. And as usual, expect drugs -- lots of 'em. [HBO, 9-10 PM]

9.26 -- 9.30
101 MOST UNFORGETTABLE SNL MOMENTS
Tune in to remember the good ol' days when Eddie Murphy was unstoppably funny and Dana Carvey was untarnished by career hobblers like The Master of Disguise. [E!, 9-10 PM]

9.28
LAGUNA BEACH -- THE REAL ORANGE COUNTY
In this ''reality drama,'' all-access cameras document eight real-life Summers and Seths as they go wild on spring break, freak over college applications, and spend Daddy's money while hunting for the perfect prom dress and hotel room. Chino-born hotties need not apply. [MTV, 10:30-11 PM]