Sound Bites

Sound Bites

''Honey, look on the bright side, okay? Lesbians are big business right now. If we teach her to golf, we're way ahead of the game.'' TOMMY (DENIS LEARY) TO WIFE JANET (ANDREA ROTH), AFTER THEIR DAUGHTER IS CAUGHT MAKING OUT WITH A GIRL IN SCHOOL, ON RESCUE ME

''The lawyer logic isn't going to work with me, all right? Or any other kind of logic, for that matter.'' JOEY (MATT LEBLANC), TO HIS ATTORNEY NEIGHBOR (ANDREA ANDERS), ON JOEY

''You don't have to answer this right now, but I think that my son maybe could -- not right now -- bang your daughter.'' JON STEWART TO GWYNETH PALTROW, ABOUT THEIR INFANT KIDS, ON THE DAILY SHOW

''You don't think I'm good enough to be a ho?'' WANDA SYKES, AFTER JAY LENO TEASED HER ABOUT HER VISIT TO A NEVADA BROTHEL, ON THE TONIGHT SHOW

Originally posted Oct 01, 2004 Published in issue #786 Oct 01, 2004 Order article reprints
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