She's loud, she's proud, and if there were another strong adjective that rhymed with ''oud,'' she'd be that, too: Comedienne Wanda Sykes has returned to TV with Comedy Central's Wanda Does It, an improv reality series in which she tackles everyday jobs. But can Sykes handle the oddest job of all, answering our Stupid Questions?
What's going to be your demeanor for this interview: saucy, sassy, brassy, brash, or just crazy?
Maybe a little brassy and crass.
Crass wasn't an option.
You just want me to say sassy. I'm not saying it. I'm sick of it. That was last year.
In a future episode of Wanda Does It, you're an airplane pilot. Tense moment in the cockpit: Do you go honey-roasted peanuts or pretzels?
I'm going with the peanuts. It's one [thing] when you go down in a fiery blaze, but suppose my head survives and they find it in a bush and I got pretzel crumbs on my lips. That's not good.
In another episode, you become a call girl...
I prefer ''professional whore.''
Okay. Do you go by a sexy name like Magic Wanda?
See, now you're getting into porn. This is just straight-up hookin'. I was Miss Kitty. I'm old school.
You're in the upcoming film Monster-in-Law with Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda. Who's got more of the back end, J. Lo or J. Fo?
I think J. Lo definitely has more of the back end, but J. Fo probably more up front.
We're talking about profit sharing, right?
Oh. I'm sorry. That would be J. Fo in the back end.
We named you No. 14 on EW's 25 Funniest People in America list. Do you think if you had just nailed that last joke at Uncle Chuckles' Laff Shack in Tuscaloosa three years ago, you could've hit No. 11?
Definitely. I was disappointed. I thought my publicist would get me a higher number. I mean, I even subscribe to the magazine. I don't think Dave Chappelle has a subscription to ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY. That's the word on the street. I'm just going to put it out there.
You starred in the recent Fox comedy Wanda at Large, yet I can't seem to find it anywhere on the schedule. Ironic or...sad?
I would say ironic. When it moved to Friday nights at eight, they should've just called it Wanda in the Witness Protection Program, because that's what it felt like. The show may still be on. I don't know.
In one of your Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes, you accuse Larry David of being an ''ass man.'' What would you accuse him of in real life?
I accuse him of being a cheap bastard. I mean, HBO scale? What the hell is that? Throw a couple of your Seinfeld episodes in the budget. Help me out.
So you're doing his show as an act of comedy charity?
If it wasn't funny, I'd ask for a s---load of money. It's for a good cause. It's for Larry to buy those stupid little hybrid cars that belong on a Hot Wheels track.