Television

Sound Bites

''So he's a geisha.'' LORELAI (LAUREN GRAHAM), WHEN HER DAD (EDWARD HERRMANN) DESCRIBES HIS NEW VALET, ON GILMORE GIRLS

''The way that you got your hair looks like you need to go across the ocean and live with the daggone Aborigines. 'Cause you're not fit for society around South Carolina.'' GLENN TO DREADLOCKED ENVIRONMENTALIST JEFF, ON WIFE SWAP

''The CIA just came out with a new report, and it said that Saddam Hussein was so fearful of the U.S. that he used a phone only two times after 1990 — once to call his generals and once to vote for Justin Guarini,'' CONAN O'BRIEN ON LATE NIGHT

''Try to keep this party a little less preteens-gone-wild.'' ANDY (TREAT WILLIAMS), AFTER HE FINDS HIS 11-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER KISSING A BOY, ON EVERWOOD

Originally posted Oct 22, 2004 Published in issue #789 Oct 22, 2004 Order article reprints