Dalton Ross's Hit List for the week of Nov. 12, 2004
1 GODZILLA CELEBRATES TURNING 50 WITH ANNOUNCEMENT OF ORIGINAL ON DVD
I guess that's better than getting wasted with Mothra and torching Tokyo in a drunken haze. Not as much fun, though.
2 AVRIL LAVIGNE CALLS LIP-SYNCHING ''PATHETIC''
Wait, isn't this coming from someone who went on a mall tour?
3 LONG-LOST ED WOOD PORNO, NECROMANIA, OUT ON DVD
''This is an old film,'' warns the DVD's executive producer. ''It's in the '70s, they're hairy, they don't look the way we are used to now.'' And to those who said Wood couldn't do horror—take that!
4 ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER WANTS TO BE ELIGIBLE FOR PRESIDENCY
Can we have a moratorium on political ambitions for, like, five seconds, please? Let us catch our damn breath.
5 ROBERT DE NIRO NAMED GREATEST LIVING ACTOR OVER 50 IN U.K. MAGAZINE POLL
It should be noted, however, that Marlon Brando came in fifth. So the whole ''living'' thing is a bit flexible.
6 NBA SEASON STARTS
L.A. Clippers' chances end.
7 ROD STEWART'S GREAT AMERICAN SONGBOOK VOLUME III DEBUTS AT NO. 1
Volume III? How much material does this guy have left to cover before resorting to ''Unskinny Bop'' and selections from the Mildly Embarrassing American Songbook?
8 PORTRAIT OF NUDE, PREGNANT KATE MOSS EXPECTED TO FETCH $6 MILLION
Of course, for that amount of money you could buy 300,000 copies of Necromania. I'm just saying...
9 COLLEGE IN NORTH CAROLINA WILL OFFER COURSE ON AMERICAN IDOL
Lesson 1: how to sing like Clay. Lesson 2: how to get robbed like La Toya. Lesson 3: the art of Dunkleman.
10 JIMMY SMITS CAMEOS ON NYPD BLUE
Hold on, isn't his character...dead? Then again, it didn't stop Brando.