Television

Sound Bites

''Actually, I was engaged to a guy who looks a lot like you. Like albino-ish.'' DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES' EVA LONGORIA TO CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

''It's just not right for a little girl to love a hairless pony.'' JULIE COOPER (MELINDA CLARKE), ON WHY HER DAUGHTER NEEDED A NEW HORSE AFTER THE OLD ONE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH ALOPECIA, ON THE O.C.

''If you want to have gay sex or visit a library, it's probably your last night to do those things. Personally, I'll be killing two birds with one stone.'' ED HELMS, ON ELECTION NIGHT, ON THE DAILY SHOW

''No one is that sweet and nice — she's like a Stepford hag.'' GRACE (DEBRA MESSING) VENTING, ABOUT VINCE'S BEST FRIEND, ON WILL & GRACE

Originally posted Nov 19, 2004 Published in issue #793 Nov 19, 2004 Order article reprints