''The O.C.'': What's new and what's missing
We're three episodes into the new season, and no one on The O.C. seems to be settling in nicely. Camp Cohen is still covered in plastic, the patriarch is under indictment, Seth is mopping floors, and, uh, Julie? That yard ain't cutting itself. Here's a look at the most notable losses and gains.
Yard Guy (YG) Neither the waxen wonder nor his perfect abs appeared tonight, causing Marissa to brood silently in her colossal room while making the exact same expression as her Care Bear. Hopefully, we haven't seen the last of YG. Not that I like him now. I just like the acronym.
Ryan's tough-guy street cred After submitting blindly to his overbearing guidance counselor's pre-architecture course load, Ryan's suddenly an AP physicist who does his homework at the ''breakfast table.'' But I'm confused, because the Cohens always eat breakfast at the counter.
Hailey She's on North Shore now. What? Nobody cares? Cool.
Kirsten's relative sanity Now that Newport's Man of the Year is most certainly headed for what Seth calls ''a white collar prison with tennis and TiVo,'' Caleb had no choice but to appoint Julie as CEO of the Newport Group. Personally, I'd rather see Julie and Caleb get divorced and Julie gain custody of Caleb's kids, Kirsten and Hailey, per Jimmy's ingenious suggestion.
Lindsay Not-Lohan We know the new girl's cool because she drives a beater with all sorts of wacky liberal bumper stickers, including one for Kerry-Edwards. Just think: If The O.C. had premiered earlier this fall when all the other shows did, John Kerry might be president! That sticker could have really rocked the preteen vote. Lindsay's attention to detail, perfectly preppy wardrobe, face, hair, and everything else about her remind me of Bree from Desperate Housewives, so I'm going to call her Mini-Bree. After Ryan spills coffee on her shirt, elbows her in the face, and forces her to say ''tampons'' twice, he and Mini-Bree coincidentally become lab partners. Awww. And then Ryan says ''tampons'' himself. Ewww.
Alex the Danger Slut Or “that tattoo girl,” as Summer calls her. Seth's boss at a nightclub, she gets to walk around looking hot and tough while Seth cleans up and takes tickets (or stops taking tickets and hangs out with Summer instead). Alex has quite possibly the most perfect face for a stripper in the whole world, plus a giant cylindrical hair tornado above her forehead. What was that? I'll be honest it scared me. And she scares Seth.
Summer's shaggy bangs Speaking of bad hair . . . Summer, no! I know bangs are ''in'' and even ''cute'' on many people (Marissa excluded), but Summer's face looks much prettier without them. Where did they even come from? They seem to have miraculously appeared between run-ins with Zach Attack and Seth on the same night. And even more oddly, Seth didn't even acknowledge them before barreling in for an unrequited kiss.
Marissa's cleavage What? When? How?
The sudden nationwide popularity of the Walkmen I thought they were pretty good. Whether they're actually good or I just think they're good because they were on The O.C. is debatable. This show could feature YG whistling while he works (at nothing) and ten minutes later he'd have a record out called The YG: Sounds of the Yard Guy, featuring the hit single “Mischaberry Fields Forever.” (''Living is easy when you're snot-nosed/Condescending to all you see . . .'')
What do you think? Will Ryan and Lindsay kiss and make up? Will Kirsten be able to outsmart Julie on the job? And does Seth still have a chance with Summer now that her father has fallen in love with Zach Attack?