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Standing on Ceremony | madonna
Madonna
Frank Micelotta

Last night's Grammy Award ceremony was more than an excuse for Shania Twain to model her thigh-high black boots; it also provided a bit of education (or miseducation as Album of the Year winner Lauryn Hill might put it). Here are a few of the things you might have learned if you tuned into the ceremony:

MADONNA'S NEW MESSAGE Madonna finally won her first music-related Grammy (for Best Pop Album) "after 16 years in the business." Unwilling to merely prove that patience is a virtue, she had another lesson to teach too. Opening the show with a performance in a red kimono -- and backed by geisha girls who seemed to be writhing in straitjackets -- she proved that just because a girl gets into Eastern spirituality, it doesn't mean she has to give up bondage.

GENDER MATTERS Women (well, mostly Lauryn Hill and Celine Dion) won in nearly every major category. Next year, they'll need to introduce several new categories -- Best Singer With Facial Hair? -- just so Eric Clapton can win more awards.

ROCK DOESN'T RULE Other than a rollicking song from "The Globe Sessions" by Sheryl Crow (who, after all, did win for Best Rock Album), rock'n'roll wasn't the driving force behind the night's most powerful performances. Kirk Franklin (and what seemed like a cast of hundreds, including Bono and other guest stars) generated room-shaking passion with the gospel-tinged "Lean on Me." Former Menudo member Ricky Martin riled up the crowd with his Latin dance number, "La Copa de la Vida." And Shania Twain's country-tinged "Man, I Feel Like a Woman" was an attention grabber, even without her black corset and micromini. Rockers like Aerosmith -- who performed with two cellos this year -- will need a full-fledged crossover to gain back the center stage. Maybe next year they'll perform "Nessum Dorma."

THE GREAT RAP HOAX We hear a lot about successful rappers, such as Master P. or Jay-Z (who won Best Rap Album this year). But do we ever see them at the Grammys? No! There can only be one explanation: They don't exist. The truth is, there is only one rapper in the entire world (who accepted this year's award for Best Rap Solo Performance): Will Smith.

STRINGS ARE CHIC Presumably to drive home the point that this is a sophisticated show, stringed instruments were brought onstage to accompany Pavarotti, Vince Gill, Celine Dion, Andrea Bocelli, and Aerosmith. But leave it to that iconoclast Alanis Morissette to buck the trend. A cloud of smoke filled the stage as she sang and poof! Her orchestra virtually disappeared!

AWARDS ARE BORING George Lucas was almost catatonic in a presentation that honored movie music, and Shirley Manson (of Garbage) was stone-faced at the podium, refusing to banter with her copresenter Billy Corgan. Even winners like Alanis Morissette (Best Female Rock Vocal Performance) and Sheryl Crow (Best Rock Album) seemed underwhelmed by the honor. There's only one solution: Someone should cheer these people up by giving them office jobs.

LIVE TV IS A CHALLENGE As usual, this year's Grammys included more than a few gaffes: audio buzzes and crashes; a voice-over announcer who laughed after mispronouncing Earl Scruggs' name; and a commercial break that ended way before show host Rosie O'Donnell realized it. But no one was more flabbergasted by live TV than the Dixie Chicks, who became incoherent when they won the award for Best Country Album (and perhaps unintentionally dissed conominee Shania Twain while they were at it). They were even less coherent when they had to present an award. Struggling to read a cue card with copresenter Brian Setzer, they eventually figured out that it bore the complicated message, "Thanks Brian."

WONDERS NEVER CEASE Accepting the award for Best New Artist, Lauryn Hill read Psalm 40 from the Bible. Hill -- who was dressed entirely in white -- also thanked her daughter "for not spilling anything on Mommy's outfit." Which is a big enough miracle to make anyone feel religious.

CARS AND MUSIC Judging by the extraordinary number of car ads throughout the broadcast, there must be some kind of important link between automobiles and music lovers. This could explain why Michael Stipe and R.E.M. were robbed of a well-deserved Grammy nomination. Maybe they don't like to drive.

CELINE WILL GO ON She won Record of the Year and Song of the Year for "My Heart Will Go On," a song that even 10-year-old Leo freaks are sick of hearing. If she can pull this off, she could win next year for singing the National Anthem. Uh oh. Keep this woman out of ballparks, please.


Posted Feb 25, 1999 | Order Article Reprints