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1
MRS. HUBER KILLED ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES In a shocking move, the producers decided to keep all the hot characters alive and off the one who doesn't look good in a bikini.
2
FORMER SCHOOLKIDS WANT ROYALTIES FOR SINGING ON PINK FLOYD'S ''ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL'' Look, we told you before and we'll tell you again: Eat your meat, and then you can have all the damn pudding you please.
3
RON ARTEST PREPARES TO RELEASE RAP ALBUM Is it any good? Beats the hell out of me. Which is actually what Artest will probably do if I dis it. Four stars!
4
BOB DYLAN SITS DOWN WITH 60 MINUTES' ED BRADLEY FOR THE SINGER'S FIRST TV INTERVIEW IN ALMOST 20 YEARS One word: subtitles.
5
JAILED NUN CLAIMS MARTHA STEWART IS GETTING ''KID-GLOVE TREATMENT'' FROM PRISON GUARDS That's despicable. Especially when you consider the abysmally low thread count on said gloves.
6
THIEVES MAKE OFF WITH PROMOTIONAL SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS FIGURESSurprisingly, no Alexander materials have yet been stolen, although some stoners in Colorado did reportedly borrow a cardboard cutout for a night to see if the mighty Macedonian ''knew how to parrrrrrrrty!''
7
SUPREME COURT HEARS ARGUMENTS ON MEDICAL MARIJUANA Proceedings were held up due to a ''last-minute special guest speaker'' from Colorado going by the name of Alex.
8
BRITISH MAGAZINE SURVEY NAMES BAYWATCH WORST U.S. TV IMPORT Baywatch Nights?
9
HOLIDAY SHOPPING MADNESS...Is driving me insane!!!
10
JULIA ROBERTS HAS TWINS Maybe now she'll finally be able to get on some magazine covers.
