''Oh, right, 'cause you're diabetic. Boo-hoo! You know what, Turk? If you want sympathy, get a disease people can see.''
CRANKY ELLIOT (SARAH CHALKE) TO TURK (DONALD FAISON) ON SCRUBS
''Earlier today in Washington, Vice President Cheney's wife, Lynne, [put] the star on top of the national Christmas tree. There was an awkward moment when Dick Cheney said, 'If you have any trouble with the electrical work, my daughter is a lesbian.'''
CONAN O'BRIEN ON LATE NIGHT
''We're not renegotiating my uterus.''
GABRIELLE (EVA LONGORIA), AFTER HER HUSBAND SUGGESTS THAT THEY RENEGOTIATE THEIR AGREEMENT NOT TO HAVE KIDS, ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
''No gay guy wants a fat dude to do an impression of him.''
SNL'S RESIDENT ELTON JOHN IMPERSONATOR, HORATIO SANZ, EXPLAINING WHY HE AVOIDED MEETING THE ROCKET MAN IN PERSON, ON LATE NIGHT