Basest Instinct

L.A. CONFIDENTIAL Joe Eszterhas, the notorious ''Basic Instinct'' screenwriter whose last book, ''American Rhapsody,'' featured a speaking role for a generally concealed part of President Clinton's anatomy, has just reupped with Knopf to write two more books, one of which will be a nonfiction skewering of Hollywood. ''It will be a loving book, and a not so loving book,'' warns Eszterhas. Adds Random House editor at large Peter Gethers, the tome -- reportedly acquired for high six figures and due out in time for the Oscars next year -- will combine a memoir with a ''look at how Hollywood has shaped us.'' Any more talking appendages? ''There may be a few penises,'' Gethers allows, ''but I don't think they talk.''

ALBRIGHT FUTURE Washington Überlawyer Robert Barnett, fresh off his $8 million sale of Hillary Clinton's memoirs to Simon & Schuster, is now shepherding publishers through meetings with outgoing Secretary of State Madeleine Albright. No offers have been tendered, but publishers report a more relaxed atmosphere this time around. ''It wasn't like the Hillary meeting, where we eyeballed our competitors going in and out,'' says a top exec. And though one insider described Albright as ''very Secretary of State -ish,'' HarperCollins General Books publisher Cathy Hemming says, ''She was very candid and had some wonderful, funny stories to tell -- and serious ones, too.''

GROWING PAINS Prince Charles is about to give readers a tour of his labor of love, the Garden at Highgrove, by way of a coffee table book from St. Martin's Press. And now, according to a source, everyone from Diane Sawyer and Barbara Walters to Katie Couric and Mike Wallace is hoping to snag the interview -- and guided tour of the estate's organically cultivated landscape -- though right now His Royal Highness has yet to ''decide even if he's willing to do [the publicity].'' Look for the book, at least, in April.

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