Married...With Children, Al Bundy

''I hate my life. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't bury the wife in the backyard,'' so says Al Bundy of Married...with Children, a father of two who's best known for selling shoes (at minimum wage, no less) and sitting on the couch with a hand lodged in his pants. In fact, that's pretty much all Al is really good at. For Al, being a father and a husband means avoiding your family at all cost — when he's not at the bowling alley or holding NO MA'AM (National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood) meetings, he's watching sports on TV, downing beers, and acting like he couldn't care less about what's going on around him (he especially despises having sex with his own wife: ''Sorry, Peg, I didn't hear you. I was thinking of killing myself.''). Overall, Papa Bundy is as apathetic as they come, and for that, he's the worst dad I know to ever grace the tube. — Lindsay Soll