8. JERRY SEINFELD
For nine seasons of Seinfeld, the single and obsessively neat comic made the most of nothing, as the neurotic ringmaster of a motley pack of Upper West Side misanthropes. So who better to poke holes in Kramer and Newman's belief that Mets first baseman Keith Hernandez (a.k.a. Jerry's man-crush) spat on them? Dissecting the crime JFK-style, Seinfeld mocks them with the irrefutable laws of physics — ''That is one magic loogie'' — and explicates his theory of a ''second spitter...behind the bushes, on the gravelly road.''

Get This! Seinfeld, season 3