Outrageous misfortunes: Abandoned by his 15-year-old mother as a baby; conned out of a kidney by his crooked father; rejected by the woman he loved; pushed out an eighth-story window by his father; paralyzed from the waist down after the fall; stranded on a mysterious island after a plane crash; shot and left for dead in a mass grave; discovered that his true love died while he was on the island; saved before committing suicide, only to be murdered in cold blood.
The bottom line: We'll tell Locke what he can't do: live in peace and happiness, at least until he gets to Sideways World.