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Richard the Second?

Fooled by Jerri's ''nasty sexy'' act, the snarkiest, funniest player says he's got no regrets

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''Survivor'''s Jeff speaks out! | jeff_l

OUST WITH THE MOST After two tied votes, outspoken Verner was the first Kucha to fall after the tribes' merger

Jeff: Monty Brinton

All About

Survivor

By Jessica Shaw

Jessica Shaw

Of all the ''Survivor'' 2 contestants, Internet project manager Jeff Varner, 35, seemed to share Richard Hatch's devious but winning instincts. In fact, Hatch thought Varner would be the last man standing at the end of the Australian Outback run. But after two tied Tribal Council votes, a single ''Jeff's gotta go'' from Debb with 2 B's sent the New Yorker packing. Since we won't have Jeff's bitchy commentary to enjoy anymore, we thought we'd catch up with the CBS's game show's latest reject.

Before we get to your expulsion, what was up on ''Letterman'' the other night? You looked miserable.
I was pissed off and not because Letterman makes fun of us. I think that's hysterical. Sure, I would much rather him bring us in and sit us down and speak to us as human beings, but that's Letterman. Some of the Survivors complain about that. I went in totally prepared to play into it. I wore a T-shirt that said ''Loser'' across the front. I was going to have fun with it. But two minutes before we went on, the producer told me to take the shirt off. He said things like, 'Nobody can be funnier than Letterman.... We don't want to upstage Letterman.... We don't want to surprise Mr. Letterman.' I felt like I was being forced to be stupid. I didn't enjoy it, but it was all because of that a--h--- producer behind the scenes.

Don't hold back, Jeff. Did you know you were going to get kicked off that night at Tribal Council?
Yes, I did. In the back of my mind it was something I knew could potentially happen. I knew Kimmi had told the other team about my one vote.

How did you know that?
It was on our fourth day up on the cliff. I wanted to knock her right off the cliff. I was furious! I acted like it was no big deal because at that point I didn't know anybody so I downplayed it as much as I could and didn't bring it up again.

Why didn't we see footage of Kimmi telling everyone this?
We were all on the top of the cliff getting ready to jump off. Jeff Probst and the producers -- and the cameras -- went to another [vantage point] and they left us all up there and that's when we started shaking hands and introducing ourselves.

Since you knew the other team had potentially damaging information about you, why didn't you try harder to win the immunity challenge?
Two reasons. I had two strained ligaments in both knees which made it difficult to stand there and difficult to rest. Everyone was sitting down on their heels and I couldn't get into that position. Also, I have zero patience and I can't believe I made it to four hours. To think they were up there for 11 hours. Tina is a rock. She only got down off that cliff because Keith needed to win. Everyone knew Tina would stay up there for two days.

Are you in touch with any of your fellow Survivors?
I'm in contact with everybody. Even Debb -- I call her every day and call her a dirty treacherous dog bitch and she bursts out laughing. It's a game. There are some Survivors you have to tiptoe around -- and don't ask 'cause I won't name names. Debb isn't one of them. Neither is ''Mad Dog'' Maralyn. I'll call her and just scream ''DOG!!!''

What did you have against Colby?
I was letting everyone know that voting for Colby was a mistake. I knew we had to vote for someone with previous votes. To me the person to vote for was Keith. But he got immunity so the tribe reverted back to the Colby plan. Colby was a strong person and in playing the game the strategy was to get rid of him because he was strong. But I like Colby.

To viewers at home, Jerri's pretty much the most annoying person on the show. How could you NOT want to vote her off?
We didn't know anything about Jerri. At first, I thought Jerri was very sexy. She would walk up to challenges with her hat on, that pink scarf around her. She was dirty but she was sexy -- that whole nasty - sexy dichotomy. I would talk about how cute I thought she was. So when I met her I was all bonding with her and let me tell you she's a terrific actress. She fooled me. When I watch now I'm furious. We voted for the nice kind middle of the road guy Colby. Looking at it now it's stupid, but at the time it seemed like voting for the strongest person was the smart thing to do.

You definitely didn't hold back your feelings when you talked to the cameras. Do you wish you'd been a little more diplomatic?
No, I can't stand people who put on a face. If you're going to blow smoke up my ass, I'm not interested. I didn't say everything to the tribe, though. I put on a whole face to them. I was playing hard. But once the game was over, I told every single one of them what I'd said about them. They were all like, 'Dude! You were playing hard!' The only person I forgot to tell was Nick that I called him lazy. He was a little taken aback when it came on the air. He called me that night and I apologized to him.

Are you happy with how you were edited and portrayed?
Sure, I was funny. There's no way in the editing that you can tell who we are. They latch onto something interesting in your personality and that's the character they build. For me it was the bitchy, conniving, funny person. But I crack myself up when I watch. I can't be upset with that. People liked to hate me but they also thought I was funny.

If you had stayed, would you have become the pig killer with Mike gone?
No way; I wouldn't have tried. I didn't want to be any kind of provider. There were too many people trying to be boss. My strategy was let those bosses kill each other and fight it out. I can fish, hunt, and build a shelter, but I played stupid a lot to see who people were and what they were doing. Richard Hatch's whole strategy was to be the provider and to me, that would be a big red flag to anyone who's playing strategically.

What was harder: the Internet stock crash or getting kicked off ''Survivor''?
Getting kicked off. I was pretty much out there playing when the market crashed so I was like, Who cares?

One final question. When will you be selling your coloring book?
Down the road a bit. Rosie O'Donnell is going to help me auction it. There will be information on my website .

Read All About ''Survivor'' 2 for EW.com's comprehensive coverage.