Apparently All-Star Celebrity Apprentice is not just about recycling contestants. It’s about recycling the product-placement project partners as well. That’s why Crystal Light was back on the scene this week for a…
Excuse me? Stephen Baldwin, why are you here?
I said STOP! I don’t like the emphasis you put on “back” there. Can you take it again and try it with a little more oomph on “scene” instead?
Um, okay. So, as I was saying, that’s why Crystal Light was back on the scene this week for a soap opera task in which the contestants had to come up with a…
“Contestants” doesn’t sound right.
But that’s what you are!
Noooooooo. We’re celebrities. Call us celebrities. Take it again.
…for a soap opera task in which the celebrities had to come up with five-minute soap opera espousing the joys of flavored liquid for…
Ugh! Yes, Stephen. What now?
What does espousing mean? I’ve never heard that word before in my life. I don’t like it. Get rid of it.
Look, Stephen, this would be a lot easier if you’d just let me do my job here and get on with the recap.
Oh, so not only does the director have to take orders from the stage manager, but now he has to take orders from the writer too? Is that it? Are you and Marilu Henner in cahoots?
Well, she did tell me what day of the week I was born on, but no, we are not in cahoots. And Trace Adkins says if you are not nice to me he is going to kill you. So there’s that. But I’ll tell you what: I hear there are rumblings of a Bio-Dome 2: Dude, Where’s My Dome? in the works, so why don’t you go check that out and I’ll present my seven most memorable moments from last night’s All-Star Celebrity Apprentice.
1. Aborted Apprentice High and Low Fives
What is it with Celebrity Apprentice and painfully awkward aborted high and low fives? I mean, let’s be honest, even a successfully completed high or low five can’t help but be a bit silly looking. However, this season has taken it to a whole new level of confusion. Stephen Baldwin stands as Patient Zero for this epidemic when he got caught cold last week by a nonsensical Trump fake-out as The Donald announced the results of the Universal Studios task by saying “Congratulations, Dee — you lost!” Baldwin’s hand extended high for a slapping of skin with Dee, but once he realized he had been duped, the self-proclaimed “Stevie B” skillfully transitioned into a classic slick back the hair saving face maneuver.
This week, guest adviser Arsenio Hall took a much different approach. After responding to Trump’s request for a low five (so old school), Arsenio expected a reciprocal palm strike. But none was forthcoming! So last season’s champ made a bold move. He just kept his outstretched hand there. Arsenio was in a truly perilous position now. The longer he left his un-fived hand out there, the more foolish he looked. But if he could get Trump to finally hook him up, it would be worth it. The whole scene was slowly turning into a gunfight at the O.K. Corral — two titans locked in a fierce battle of wills. Who would blink first? Well, Trump finally consented to the reciprocal five, but it was still super awkward.
NEXT: A Trace of a celebrity crush