The Apprentice pimp is back! He’s an all-star, a celebrity and the smoothest, silkiest customer around. I’m talking Farouk Shami, people! This guy’s got moves like Jagger and swagger like a dagger. I don’t really know what that last sentence means, but I do know that if I just added the words “United States of America” to it and surrounded the whole thing with a backdrop of stars and stripes that my main man Farouk would be all up in that like it was Aubrey O’Day.
Only two weeks ago I was blasting Universal Orlando execs for their utter lack of pizazz and saying they needed to put a bit more Shami in their game. Now, lo and behold, Shami is back in the game! And he brought his pimped-out white suit and trademark red cowboy boots with him. Did you see Farouk using his hand to put some sort of white substance all over Mairilu Henner’s head? (Awwwww yeah — straight up Shami, y’all!) How about when he started macking on every state beauty pageant winner from coast to coast? (That’s gettin’ your Shami on, people!) And don’t forget him rubbing his face all over a half-naked model’s shoulder while promising to keep her all warm and toasty. (That’s called putting a woman in a United State of Shami!)
There was simply not enough Shami to go around, so Farouk even brought some backup in the form of son Basim (or, as Trump calls him, “Baseeeeeeeeeem”) to pick up some of the leftovers. Just imagine if Farouk’s ultimate love, Aubrey O’Day, had been on the scene. It could have been time for a Shami sandwich!
Hell yeah! Like a master rapper who simply drops the mic on the ground when done to punctuate an awesome performance, Farouk has his own power move — tossing his Chi hair dryer down just to let people know that’s how he rolls. And with that, lets get rollin’ on the 7 most incredible moments from this week’s episode of All-Star Celebrity Apprentice.
1. Someone Wants to Get “Trumped”
If you are like me — and again, I pray for your sake that you are not — then you watch the segments at the start of each episode (where the previous winning Project Manager hands over their winnings) praying for them to be short and sweet. Let’s be honest: Nobody watches the show for that. I give plenty of money to various charities, but I don’t have a camera crew follow me around to film it. (Good thing I don’t since I’m not sure how riveting it would be watching me mail out checks. This week’s episode: Dalton runs low on stamps! And coming up next week: Dalton attempts to balance his checkbook!)
But occasionally something actually worthwhile — beyond, you know, saving lives — happens. Like when Carol Baldwin shows up. Stevie B’s mom arrived on the scene to collect a check for $50k to go towards breast cancer research. The woman was overjoyed. “It’s because of you,” she told her born again Christian son. “And who…?” Steven added while pointing up to the sky — clearly looking to get a shout out for the Big Fella upstairs. But Carol had a different Big Fella in mind, if you know what I’m sayin’. “And Donald!” she added. “I think he’s very handsome.” Come again? All of sudden, the ’70s porn music was cued up as Mama Baldwin went in some sort of hypnotic sexual trance. “Ohhhhhh, I would go for him,” she moaned. “I think he’s so sexy. Ahhhhhhh, if I were younger — and let me tell you I was very thin and I had a great figure — I would give his wife a run for her money.”
I do not think I am over-exaggerating when I say that the thought of Donald Trump and Carol Baldwin getting busy on the Boardroom table is one of the most disturbing visions to ever enter my head. And the worst part about my vision? It includes Clint Black in a corner of the room watching while holding a bottle of Tide detergent.
NEXT: Brande attempts to rap