”Neat.” That is the word Meghan used to describe how she felt after coming in first during this race around the world and winning a million dollars. Overwhelmed? Elated? Thrilled? Filthy f—ing rich? Nope. She opted for ”neat.” Wow, she really is Skipper.
Now, normally, I wouldn’t begin a column about the season finale with an announcement of the winner, but let’s face it: Meghan and Cheyne winning was about as predictable as a hot day in Las Vegas in July. They won a majority of the legs, dominated in every challenge, and Cheyne managed to keep his hair perfectly gelled all season. How could they not win?
Not that the Amazing Race producers didn’t do their best to play up the tension. In fact, each team spent some time in first place in the finale and had it not been for Brian and Ericka’s spazzy turn with the bungee jumping (more on that later), the underdogs might have taken home a check.
But let’s rewind back to the beginning of the show when Phil recapped much of the season. What, did they not have enough footage to fill an hour? Or did Phil think people would tune in tonight who hadn’t bothered watching every other week? Whatever the reason, we were reminded about Skipper and Ken’s dominance, Brian and Ericka’s love, and Sam and Dan’s ”bold game-changing moves.” Wow, that’s a euphemism for ”jerky, shady, bad-karma-accumulating” moves if I ever heard one.
In fact, when Sam and Dan saw Brian and Ericka (from whom they’d stolen a taxi) at the airport in Prague, Sam actually said ”It wasn’t our fault” as Dan offered ”Please blame your driver.” Um, what? It wasn’t your fault? Blame the taxi driver? If you’re going to be Team Evil at least own it. Don’t be Team Wussily Evil. And not just because Wussily is not a word.
But back to the race. All three of the teams got on the same flight to Las Vegas from Prague, which seems only fair. And in fact, it seemed more than fair considering, if my airplane seat skills are correct (and they always are — I’m a major frequent flyer geek), the teams were flying business class to Vegas. Probably a good move to dole out the dough, CBS… I don’t see anyone getting off a 6,000 mile-long flight in coach and be able to move, let along race. I wonder if any of them got wasted on the flight. Maybe Sam and Dan. I doubt Megan and Cheyne even asked for a refill on the warm nuts. They probably wouldn’t want to be ”rude.”
Speaking of rude, I’m about to be. All the teams went right to the Graceland chapel where an Elvis impersonator (I think) serenaded a couple about to tie the knot. I want to be nice here and celebrate this couple, but the bride was wearing black pumps with her white wedding dress. Sorry, some of you have told me I’m too mean, but I can’t overlook this fashion don’t to end all fashion don’ts. TV bride, because you clearly need the help, here’s my wedding present to you: Don’t wear a denim jacket with jeans, avoid shoulder pads no matter who tells you they’re having a comeback, and crop your wedding pictures from the ankle up.
NEXT: All they needed was ”Love”…and a little coordination