San Francisco might be the most adorably weird city in America. As a culture, it’s part geek-decadent web dollars, part hipster-bait enviro-fascism, plus a generous helping of gay pride and boomer nostalgia. Public transportation is a joke, and there’s five hills every two blocks. (When I lived in San Francisco, I literally had to walk up and down a hill to get to work… which was around the corner.) But the food is incredible, and the people are kind, and brother, is it beautiful. SF is an American city that feels a bit like Europe and a bit like Asia, depending on which direction you’re looking. In short, it’s the perfect place to end another season of The Amazing Race.
The final episode kicked off at 2:37 a.m. Shanghai time, with Brent and Caite leading the charge back to America. Now, I have to admit something. I badly misjudged Team Superficial. I fell into the eternal trap of Prejudice. I made terrible assumptions without any basis in fact. Just because Brent and Caite were the two prettiest people on earth, and just because they couldn’t go five minutes without insulting each other, and just because every time Caite giggles it causes a star in a faraway galaxy to implode and die — for all these reasons, I assumed that Brent and Caite were dimwits.
They weren’t. I’m not sure if you can call their gameplay this season ”smart,” but there was clearly some kind of black magic conjured up by the deadly combination of Caite’s hotness and Brent’s majestic forehead. I was pretty excited to see them in a showdown with the Cowboys. Last night, I called that fight Good vs. Evil, but it was more like ”Conviviality vs. Bitchery.”
But then, madness. During the long Shanghai morning, as Team Superficial and Team CowBro were sleeping on the floor with their backpacks as pillows, in slipped Team JorDaniel to make things messy. I figured that the brothers were done after their shoddy showing last week, but instead, they were energized. Dan humbly noted that he and his brother perfectly combined ”athletic talent and brain power.” (Fun fact! If animals were named after the sound they make, Dan would be called ”I’mDoingThisForJordan.”)
This led to an aggressive game-changing event that can only be called…
How you feel about Jordan’s actions probably depends on how serious a crime ”cutting” was when you were in kindergarten. Arriving at the airport, with a couple hours to go before the ticketing booth opened, Jordan set his backpack down in between napping Cord and the models. When the booth opened and Jordan slipped into the second position, Cord lightly commented, ”Y’all were there six hours after us.” Jordan said nothing, although he did flash an unreadable glance at the camera. (I thought he looked just a little bit guilty.)
NEXT: It’s all about the Benjamins. Or the Ulysses…es…