Wilkommen, meine Leser! Ich heiβe Christian Blauvelt, und wir fahren nach Österreich zusammen gehen!
Sorry, I can’t help myself. Any trip to Austria brings out the German-speaker in me. And it was to the snow-capped land of waltzes and strudel that the eighth leg of The Amazing Race took us last night. Quite a Kulturschock after India, ja?
When we last left off, Team Angry Dad was eliminated at Varanasi’s Ramnagar Fort. Ron’s existential inability to locate seven holy men torpedoed their chances (and revealed his spiritual bankruptcy), leaving only six teams to race after $1 million like unenlightened souls incapable of transcending samsara. First to depart Varanasi were the Globetrotters. Upon learning that their quest would take them to Austria, Flight Time immediately launched into an Ah-nold impersonation: “I’ll be back. But not toIndia, hopefully.” Followed closely by the other teams, they made their way to a travel agency. Wait. How is a travel agency open—fully staffed, mind you—at 2:12 a.m.? Akbar Travels…for when you need to make impromptu flight plans at absolutely ANY hour.
Five of the teams agreed that a flight getting in toVienna at 5:35 a.m.—after two connections—would be quickest. But Team Cowboy decided that they’d rather take a flight that would get in a half hour later, since it had one less connection. And, as any savvy traveler knows, connections can mean delays. “We’ll either win big or lose big,” said Jet. “Either way, it’ll be big.” These guys don’t do anything small.
Vyxsin and Kent noted that they are the only dating couple left, and that the race had taken a toll on their relationship, as it did for them during their first attempt in season 12. How might Oscar Wilde have put it? To let a televised race strain your relationship once may be considered a misfortune. To do so twice, carelessness. And believe me, they were on the brink. When a guy says, “I’ll step on your face!” to his girlfriend, that romance’s days are numbered.
NEXT: Kent can’t decipher a Tyrolian maiden’s gender. Plus, an auteurist rant from your recapper.